No longer attracted to husband

[SugarSpice2020]

Has anyone else who’s been married / I’m committed relationship for several years lost attraction for their spouse & gone off sex? While spouse has not & still wants sex?? If so, how did you cope/resolve this, especially if you have/ had young kids?

I feel this has happened to me. Our relationship was not, I see now, built on a solid foundation of shared interests / humour / experiences. Mentally we are very different - he’s focused on numbers / business & loves a party. I am more creative, love books, music etc, happy to be alone; but feel very lonely that we can’t seemingly engage in stimulating conversation. He has zero ideas for activities / cooking / holidays / you name it. All me. It’s made me feel estranged from him & I definitely don’t want sex.
we also have a 5 year old & I’m not currently working (both of which probably don’t help w libido issue or feeling isolated).

But I could be happy enough (since he’s a good partner & parent & soon I’ll get a small job). IF he didn’t want regular and ‘intimate’ sex several times a week, or even once tbh. I could tolerate passively lying there, but it’s not satisfactory to him. I understand - he wants loving (if not passionate) sex & currently feels physically dissatisfied & emotionally rejected.
but I just feel awkward suddenly kissing & being naked w him. Feels like he’s a stranger.

I can’t imagine this changing because I think the major cause of being turned off is my dawning realisation we are mentally incompatible & I find it hard to feel attached & affectionate with someone who just doesn’t share my humour / interests. despite all his achievements in work etc.

has anyone else faced this? And if you have/had kids, what did you do?
Separating is a last resort for us (especially as we live in the US & I want to return to the uk). But how can we live both unhappy / dissatisfied? I / we can try counselling again but I’m not sure how much it can help.
thank you!

Omg it is as if I wrote this, I can't help as I'm in the exact same situation!
Just want you to know you're not alone in how you feel x

If you look at data from dating apps most women are competing for the top 15-20% of men whilst the same data shows it isn’t true the other way around.
Im not being cocky or arrogant but I will share some home truths here from my past which will be unpopular.
I have had numerous partners single or married over the years and have always found it easy to attract women. Most of them I have not pursued but they have pursued me including married women I have had relationships with.
What I find quite odd is that almost all these married women are looking for a Prince Charming to take them away from their ‘boring’ or ‘safe’ marriage. I am no Prince Charming because Prince Charming doesn’t exist - just like Cinderella doesn’t exist.
Women are sold the fairy tale delusion from fiction that Prince Charming exists and is there to sweep you off your feet so you can live in total bliss for eternity. This is utter mind boggling delusion on their part just as men who believe a princess or perfect Cinderella exists. It’s utter nonsense.
What also amazed me is that many married woman I met thought I was ‘the one for them’ . I’m considered handsome ( by others- not me ), I’m over 6 ft, work out at the gym, a good physique , have a well paid job, I can hold a decent conversation, financially secure, independent and I’m socially aware. For some reason all these women then think I should commit myself to them even though they are married and have children.
My question is why would a person with to many option for that when I get exactly what want from numerous different token. My other question is what would I get from them whet I need? If they think I have things to offer they want almost none of these married women have any self reflection or consider to they offer anything I want from them that I’m not already getting. Why would I commit to them? Seriously?
I often tell these married women most of whom do have hard working husbands who care for their family to focus more on their marriage. Many of them then decide to do thus but some don’t and keep looking for Prince Charming and others then eventually divorce.
Most women are competing for the top 15-20% of men even if they are only a 3 or 4 out of ten ( and I don’t just mean 3/4 for their looks but their personality and things they themselves have to offer). It’s a total mystery to me why they think they deserve more? Very little self reflection.
I probably come across as crass, selfish and heartless- but it’s not me that’s cheating on my spouse it’s them.
I am now married with children and have been for ten years. I would never consider cheating on my wife even though I’ve had the opportunity to do so a number of times. Marriage is hard, sex drops in and out and yes you cannot be always sexually attracted to your partner especially if it’s long term.
Life isn’t a fairy tale and some women ( and yes some men) need to realise they are deluding themselves that the grass is greener the other side. The reality is Prince Charming and Cinderella doesn’t exist but there are lots of good people who are trying their best in marriages. Marriage is hard and isn’t always full of roses but it’s worth it for companionship and children.
In sure I’ll get lot of down votes for my post- but it is the truth

Agree there is no fairytale! I worked in matchmaking and you’re right - men have more options.
personally I’m not looking for anyone else, I just wish we could get on better in our marriage, or find a separation option that’s minimally destructive. If possible!

Leave him. He deserves better.

Talk to him before you throw in the towel.

I've been through this to some extent and I couldn't put my finger on it. I think we were emotionally just very different. I was grieving a massive loss and he couldn't understand it. I distanced myself which made him need physical affection more. He's always been very tactile and I couldn't be more opposite. Came to the crunch and we had to have 'the chat'. What transpired was that I didn't want to show any kind of intimacy because I was worried he would expect it to lead to more. He was forcing it because he thought I was backing out of the marriage. We went right back to basics. It isn't amazing but we are getting along better are intimate about once a week (I could live with none but think that's perimenopause). I think you need to decide if this is something you can work through or if you're just done. In the meantime I recommend Dr Karen Gurney on Instagram and both of you should listen to the podcast she did with Steph Douglas from Don't Buy Her Flowers (google it). It's spot on x