Son's temper.

[HelpMeHelpMySon2]

I have a teenage son. He wasn't a particularly easy baby, didn't sleep well, had acid reflux so didn't eat well. Toddler stage he naturally started to have tantrums and would lose his temper even after he started school.

We did work at home on that. I bought books and we did exercises which really seemed to help.

Fast forward to now and it's all coming out again, I'm guessing through hormones. He's broken several of his TVs in a rage over computer games.. Broke controllers by throwing them. Broke his desk after he kicked it.

All this happens in his room and I never know about it until he comes and admits it (although he didn't admit the desk, I went in and saw it).

He doesn't want to be angry. He feels like the anger is controlling him, He'll look completely calm but tell me he is sooo angry on the inside.

Yesterday he lost his temper before school and swore at me while stomping up the stairs. He's never done that before. He's over 6ft and broad and son or not, it felt intimidating. He has apologised twice since then, said he lost his temper and didn't mean what he said.

Obviously our biggest worry is he snaps one day. I have contacted his school to see if there is anything they can offer, he would go to anger management. His biggest fear is that no one can help and he'll be angry for the rest of his life.

I know people will ask about ND and we haven't discounted it (sibling is autistic) and I did say to the school is I would like him to be assessed, but I'm not certain that that's it.

So I'm wondering if anyone has any advice or services they can point me to. I have raised this with the school on three separate occasions and still nothing has been done.

We both just want him to be able to regulate his emotions. He already takes time out when he's angry so it's generally not in front of anyone, but I hate to think of him basically being a prisoner in his own head if that makes sense.

So sorry for rambling on so much! I'm just at a loss.

And repeating to myself ‘this is a feeling. It will pass’ and timing it for three minutes before responding.

I also realised I needed to explicitly model this behaviour myself. So when I get angry about anything I talk through my emotions and actions with dc. It’s easier when it isn’t things to do with them. So angry with a colleague or a friend or a situation.

Don't beat yourself up over it OP but I think if we eliminated UPF's and added sugar and banned 24/7 reliant on screens and violent video games we'd see a massive reduction in childhood behavioral problems but I appreciate it's not that easy

Take the console out of his room. I never let my son have his in his room. If ever he lost his temper when playing there was a 15 minute warning to switch off, the first time he didn’t switch off after the warning I just turned it off. I explained that it’s supposed to be fun, not annoying or anger inducing. My son is 6’4” and if he stormed off I would always get him back to sort what the problem is. I also changed my hours so that I was home for when he got in from school.

Maybe try buying or making kombucha? It’s super good for you and delicious.

With pizzas, I recommend the Northern Dough Company frozen pizza dough, available from supermarkets. It’s so easy to make healthy yummy pizzas and if you forget to defrost it on the morning you can do it in the microwave seconds. They also make a protein version.

these are two things that have worked my my fussy eater son! (Admittedly younger than yours).

I understand what you're saying, but this isn't just game related. That was me giving examples. He doesn't spend hours gaming.

He says he's angry most of the time, that's my issue.

I'm also home when he gets in from school for the most part, he doesn't always come straight home if there's supported study or playing football.

He is very open with me, sometimes it might take him a bit but he speaks to me because I don't judge. I don't get angry at him because I can see he is losing control and not happy with his own behaviour/feelings.

Although I DID get angry when he swore at me. More through fear than anything. Not because I thought he would do anything, he was going upstairs to take a breather, but if he can swear at his own mum in anger, how might he react to someone else.

I've not heard of kombucha but I'll look it up, thank you!

AS for pizza, when they were younger we used to make the dough from just Greek yoghurt and flour (with some garlic salt), so I've mentioned that to him and we're going to do that. It's also fun!