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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Initiating sex

7 replies

Cocomandarin · 06/10/2025 23:24

My other half never ever initiates sex anymore. He told me that it’s because I haven’t wanted to a couple of times when he tried and it’s put him off, but he definitely makes it known when he doesn’t want to either.

He used to always. And I do really like it when he initiates and prefer being submissive it’s just my thing. we always worked well together but it’s just got so awkward now it just doesn’t happen. It’s built a resentment on my side and now I find it hard to not second guess things when we do have sex, like is he just doing it because I’ve brought it up as an issue etc. we’ve been together 12 years. I’m struggling with this one. I’ve spoke to my friends who have all said they wish their husbands would try less because it’s too much. I feel jelous! Atleast they are still wanted 🫤

OP posts:
Gonk123 · 07/10/2025 04:04

Is everything else ok in the relationship

Cocomandarin · 07/10/2025 07:34

@Gonk123 hi!

yes, I think it’s the missing piece because if that was ok I would be really happy. We have a busy family life but it’s happy

OP posts:
Gonk123 · 07/10/2025 13:09

Is he happy though…you say you are but does he seem happy? Busy - is there time for romance…a date? Could that help?

CheekyBalonz · 07/02/2026 03:39

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Vikinginakilt · 07/02/2026 07:07

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vincettenoir · 07/02/2026 07:10

Maybe if you initiate sex a handful of times it might reset the status quo and he will start initiating again too.

Seaoftroubles · 07/02/2026 08:47

He's told you he is hesitant to initiate as he doesn't want to be rejected so just show him when you want sex. It's easy enough to give him a clue by body language, touch, or just by giving him a passionate kiss. That way you don't have to ask outright.

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