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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Was i mad to break it off?

10 replies

Mollie53 · 06/10/2025 22:50

A few years back I met a single dad. Lovely man but it seemed a messy situation as his ex had an addiction. I was probably emotionally unavailable too so I broke things off when I was falling fot him.

A few years later, his ex has gotten clean, remarried. He still has full custody. We rekindled things and I was so happy. But we could only see each other at weekends when kids saw their mum, and occasionally in the week. I wanted more but truthfully I don't think I could handle small kids, and even he didnt want to live together because he didnt want to mess up their living situation.

This man looked after me when I lost my mum, he helped me through some serious health issues and has really shown me how much he cares. But I want more. I want him all the time. My friends say im quite codependent and should appreciate hes a good dad and puts his kids first. I guess what im asking is was I mad to break things off after hes been so great. I've had my fair share of relationships and nothing has ever come close. Im also jealous that he actually gets on with his ex after how ahe has been. I feel I may have lost the best person I could have had.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 06/10/2025 22:53

Your friends are correct and actually so were you to break it off as you cannot accept his lifestyle and the priorities that go along with that. I'm a bit concerned by you saying that you 'want him all the time' - you can't have anyone all the time, that's suffocating and controlling. But regardless, he is not the one for you.

Whyisthedoginthetree · 06/10/2025 22:56

He isn’t what you wanted so wasn’t the one for you. You’d have been settling for someone with kids that you didn’t want and someone that couldn’t live with you.

Endofyear · 06/10/2025 23:05

He has children and they will always come first. It doesn't sound like he is the one for you.

Mollie53 · 06/10/2025 23:06

I guess i loved him so much and I can't imagine anyone better

OP posts:
Scissor · 06/10/2025 23:12

You loved him. He's already in your head past tense.
Go forward. You've made your decision.

Lavenderandbrown · 06/10/2025 23:31

Addiction is a disease characterized by relapse. Sadly his wife very well could experience relapse and even though she has remarried this would put his life and his children’s life back into a precarious place. Sounds like a nice man in a very difficult situation. I think you made a difficult but wise decision.

Ilovemychocolate · 07/10/2025 08:01

You don’t think you could handle small kids.
You are not right for him.

Brightbluesomething · 07/10/2025 13:16

This isn’t going to work out. You want to live different lives and it sounds like neither of you will compromise in a healthy way that works for you both. Him because he’s prioritising his kids and you because you want more of him than he’s prepared to give.
Its definitely not healthy to be together 24/7 but I do understand your aim for commitment and blending lives to have a long term relationship.
My ex said the right things then point blank refused to take any steps towards blending our lives or any kind of commitment. Which was far more hurtful than being open and honest, which it seems this guy is being.
Move on, with some therapy to address your need to be with someone constantly and the jealousy over his ex, and you might find someone more suited to your life goals. There’s always time to meet the right person but perhaps do some work on yourself so you don’t get into this situation again.

Mollie53 · 07/10/2025 18:30

@Mollie53 i just think realistically we cant live together with the kids. He would be happy seeing me regularly, then during holidays etc, and perhaps move in together in years to come. Im just not suited to kids as in living with them (im ND). But i do think he's the best man ive ever been with.

OP posts:
Diarygirlqueen · 07/10/2025 18:43

You need to work on yourself, your codependency and irrational jealously is unsettling and very unhealthy.
I glad you made the decision to end things because his main loyalty is to his children and you realise you can't live with them.
Find someone with no children, this man was definitely not the one for you.

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