OLD Warning - The Lie

[WiseAdviceNeededPlease]

I recently watched a documentary about Grace Millane called "The Lie". Grace was murdered on a first date by a man she met on Tinder. The majority of their date was captured on CC TV. The documentary was extremely harrowing to watch and incredibly sad. Grace was an intelligent and independent women but the man was a practiced liar and con, she didn't suspect he was violent and dangerous. For those using OLD please be careful and take your time getting to know strangers, they only reveal themselves gradually.

I've not seen the documentary but I do remember reading about Grace and her murder.
It was shocking. So dreadful for her family and such a waste if her promising life.

I watched that it was harrowing. The suitcase...made me shudder

I've just watched this after seeing this thread. Very sad. The CCTV of him shopping the next day. Awful. How could he be so cruel.

From the CCTV he seemed to be just a normal guy on a date. It's chilling.

Also sad to read about Grace's dad just a short time after.

Apparently he used Tinder obsessively. He was pretty convincing as a normal run of the mill guy, (at least on first impressions) which is very scary. I've seen other news stories about women being attacked in their own homes by men they met online and had just started dating also.

I can see that OLD is a practical way to meet new people but I think it's important to screen carefully and take things slowly until you've had a chance to assess the person over time. I hope this message gets out so that woman protect themselves and don't get hurt. If you're a nice person yourself it's easy to trust others and assume good intent but that can be exploited so please be careful out there.

Where can you watch?

I watched it on Apple TV

I watched on ITVx. There's a few of them.

Poor girl, fucking men

Quite surprised I have never been murdered, self preservation instincts of a dodo

Be careful wherever you meet a man. It could have been anyplace. Pub, cafe,restaurant, work, shop, park, party etc. Not just OLD.

Good point

I think a lot of women would be suspicious of a stranger being very intense suddenly in a supermarket though whereas it seems normal on OLD?

Good point. I think it’s because usually on OLD there’s a false sense of security that you’ve both ‘chosen’ each other and think by osmosis or something magically ‘vetted’ each other as a consequence. You’re usually excited, had a few drinks maybe, possibly in an environment that’s quite rowdy also and so against this background, someone that’s being a little intense or weird is not so easy to notice 😐.

Also when you meet a person out of context and "dating" is the immediate agenda things can get fast tracked in a way that wouldn't happen if you met someone new at work or through friends. You haven't got much information to work with but feel invested already.

Yes, especially if you’ve texted beforehand where it’s easier for weird people to act ‘normal’ you’ve already almost ‘accepted’ they’re safe and if you’ve spent money on a taxi, club entrance, drinks etc then yes you’ve invested a fair bit monetarily also and are more likely to give them the benefit of the doubt then disappoint yourself. We do sort of unconsciously lie to ourselves sometimes.

Then as you say if your only and immediate topic thereafter is just wanting to ‘date’ and for some people that means just a one night stand, then yes you have no clue at all who you’re about to go to bed with. The amount of trust shown by otherwise sensible people is quite shocking really and such a waste of their talented young lives - and unfortunately disproportionately women.

Haven't seen the doc but that's a very famous case. Even the then NZ PM Jacinda Arden emotionally spoke about Grace in a press conference and basically apologised for what happened to her. The NZ detective on the case (lovely bloke) also appeared on This Morning.

Poor Grace. She had no idea what a monster he was.

Here is 50 minutes of CCTV on him (see how he turns away from the hotel when he realises the police are inside)

Treat all new people with caution until you really know them well. There are bad people in the world of OLD, but plenty outside in society as well. Fortunately, many trip themselves up fairly quickly as they cannot keep up with their own lies, or present with other behaviour that makes you question their integrity. So it is often a case of knowing them for long enough to determine if they are good or bad. It must be very sad for the family of Grace esp. given the forensic details presented in the trial.

“SandStormNorm · Today 17:05

Treat all new people with caution until you really know them well. There are bad people in the world of OLD, but plenty outside in society as well. Fortunately, many trip themselves up fairly quickly as they cannot keep up with their own lies, or present with other behaviour that makes you question their integrity. So it is often a case of knowing them for long enough to determine if they are good or bad. It must be very sad for the family of Grace esp. given the forensic details presented in the trial.”

This with bells on. When it comes to putting yourself in a vulnerable position, trust must be earned.

NC for this one but what happened to Grace very nearly happened to me. Was lucky enough to get an angle to knee him and fight him off, I am very lucky to be alive. Reported to police obviously, he said consensual, obviously. The creep will kill someone someday and I’m sure I’ll end up giving evidence at a trial.

The thing was like the murderer discussed here, he not only did a good impression of a normal guy, he seemed lovely. like, so utterly lovely and nice and sweet and thoughtful. All a total act of course but utterly convincing.

Thank you for sharing, I'm so glad you were able to get away and very sorry this happened to you. It's very frightening that he was so convincing. I guess some people study how to act "nice". I tend to trust those who are less polished with a few rough edges a bit more but it's still really hard to be sure of a person's character.