DH has changed

[Gasbox]

Been together 20-odd years, he used to be fun, and kind but appears to have turned into a grumpy old man before his time and I'm struggling, not sure I still love (or even like) him tbh. He's never taken criticism well but I can't seem to raise any issues with him these days without an onslaught of DARVO and stupid 'well you did this' tit for tat nonsense, it's driving me mad! I don't know what to do, separating feels massive and logistically impossible, neither of us have anywhere else to go and we have no money to set either of us up elsewhere, we literally just about keep our heads above water month to month. But I don't know how much longer I can do this, it's exhausting and depressing and there must be more to life!

Do you have children at home?

One 18 year old but he's hardly ever here, not because of DH (I don't think anyway) he just has a really busy life and doesn't spend much time at home.

So, the only thing keeping you together is finances and inertia? It's worth thinking about why you are still there. I'm not diminishing the importance of finances but that can't be the whole reason for staying in an unhappy relationship.

Every long relationship will have its ups and downs, but if you don't feel like you can communicate effectively - say things in a non-judgmental manner and be heard in a receptive manner - and problem solve as a result of that communication, it is difficult to see how things will get better. And, do you really want to spend the rest of your life like this?

I was in a toxic relationship - after about 15 years of it, I woke up one morning and thought if I carried on like this I would be bitter resentful old crone filled with regret when I grew older. I still couldn't make the decision to leave, but I chose to do something hugely positive professionally that would mean we would have to shake things up. The relationship ended as a result. It was the best decision of my life. I hope you find the courage to change things.

Why is separating not possible? You could begin by staying in the same house but living separately to start with whilst you look at your options. What is your house situation, do you own or rent and if you own are you both on the deeds? If you really feel life with him is that difficult then l'd start making plans.Life's too short to be stuck with someone who makes you feel miserable.