Husband late without telling me

[Loopyloopla]

Hi, just wondering how you would react/respond to this? Husband and I have been having a bit of a rough patch followed by a mild disagreement/argument at the weekend which we didn't get a chance to fully chat about/resolve since. It's now Monday and we spoke on the phone whilst he was at work. He said he'd come home around 11:30 so we could talk it through. He didn't come home at the agreed time, and at 13:06 I receive this msg.. 'I’ve cancelled some calls but I can’t leave until 2.45 so I will come home then'.
Thanks!

Id say ok, see you then

Same as pp - ok see you soon
He’s obviously got caught up in something at work and couldn’t get away

What’s the issue? You seem to be nit picking.

If he has genuine commitments at work, I really don’t see your problem. Suck it up.

Because I think if you're going to be late for something you should text/call to let the other person know so they're not waiting around for you?

I wouldn't want to add another argument on top of the one you are already having. And just accept he may be having a busy work day. Especially if he wants to leave early.

Is 2.45 still early for him? From his message it sounds like he was really trying to get home earlier but it just isn’t possible. Understandable if he already has commitments. If he’s in meetings or extremely busy, you can’t expect texts/calls. Maybe you could use the extra time to think about how the conflict can be resolved!

If the two of you had firm plans for 11:30, he should have let you know as soon as he realised he would not be able to leave the office in time to get to the meeting place by then. Around 11:30 is a bit vaguer, with no other context and no idea how long his commute is, but I think it's fair to say that when it hit 11:30 and he was not ready to leave he should have texted as soon as he had a chance. Whether it's reasonable that he did not have a chance to text for more than an hour and a half depends on his job; could he have been called to do an emergency surgery, for instance?

I'd assume he'd been really busy, hence the lateness and had updated me as soon as he was able.

30 minute commute. I think I'm a bit miffed there was no apology, he didn't update me sooner, and showed a general disregard for my time.

Why is he leaving work early to talk about a mild disagreement ... can't it wait until tonight?

Yes it definitely could have done. He just said he was going to leave work to talk about it 🤷‍♀️. I didn't instigate the chat.

I'm not sure I quite understand why someone would cut short the first working day of the week to come home and talk about a 'mild' argument, particularly given that you were also both talking on the phone while he was at work.

Why can't it wait until after work? Is it really only 'mild' if he is having to cancel work calls/meetings to come home? Either way, if he is prepared to change his work commitments to come home and talk to you then I don't think I could get cross about the fact that it is later than anticipated. Presumably he didn't get in touch sooner because he was rearranging his whole day?

Yes I think he was rearranging his whole day to come home but couldn't make it work. For context, office based job, not surgeon etc!

I'd respond the same as the first poster.
Ok, see you then.
He's obviously trying to get home but he's busy at work.
I wouldn't make a fuss about it.

Thank you everyone! I love Mumsnet for this. Sometimes it's hard to see the wood for the trees, but on reflection I was perhaps a bit cross about him not letting me know he wasn't going to make it! I'm off to apologise. Xx

What’s a mild argument ? Seems you brewing up for a bigger one now

The original mild argument was just a bit of pre-party prep stress! I do think he should have apologised when he text saying he was late though (an hour and a half after he was supposed to be home) 🙈😝!

Your "mild " disagreement is getting ready to be a major argument if you keep this attitude going. It sounds like either you're looking for things to feel angry about, or the argument over the weekend went much deeper than you want to admit.

Is he having to leave work early for this? If so, that's another indication that the argument wasn't mild. I agree with talking it through, but I think you might want to wait until feelings calm down.

Yes I think you're right. Thank you for replying. I'm feeling more chilled having read these responses.