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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being weird? Re friendship situation

8 replies

AmIBeingWeird · 06/10/2025 12:38

So there’s a group of school mums I always saw myself as part of, albeit on the edge of. I work and most of them are SAHM so I’ve always been aware they meet up without me & have forged closer friendships. Fine, that’s life. But I still thought I was a friend.

About a year ago a new fitness place opened in town. The group started going weekly for exercise followed by a coffee. I didn’t know this.

I recently joined this place too at the start of the summer. I go alone (which I’m fine with) but at the same time obviously it would be lovely to make it a more social thing.

Anyway, I mentioned in conversation that I had joined this place and it emerged at that point that the group go there together on Saturday mornings. At no point did anyone in the group suggest that I join them.

I have since actually started going Saturday morning too, because my DC at a hobby for 2 hours so it fits well. I’ve seen the group there a few times, but at no point have I been invited to join them, join their coffee group etc.

Sometimes I want to stay for a coffee after my exercise (I have 45 minutes before I need to collect my DC)..

Am I being weird to sit on my own? Obviously I wouldn’t blank them if I came face to face with them, but given I’ve never been asked to join their group (or added to their Gym&Coffee WhatsApp group) I don’t feel comfortable joining their table .

Just to add they are always friendly enough to me when I see them in other settings eg school run. I’m just unsure what to make if it!

OP posts:
Breli · 06/10/2025 12:40

It’s not weird to sit on your own. It’s also not weird to ask if you can join them. What would you prefer to do?

rainandtrains · 06/10/2025 12:40

Just go and sit with them. So many of these posts about being left out by school mums. I really don't think there are cliques of mums up and down the country with vendettas to leave other mums out. They're just not preoccupied with having to proactively recruit new mum friends. That doesn't mean they won't welcome them. Next time you're there just walk over and say 'morning!' and sit down with them.

AmIBeingWeird · 06/10/2025 12:45

Thank you
so you don’t think it’s weird they’ve never casually asked me to join them? I’m not expecting a gold-plated invitation or anything!

OP posts:
Bulldog01 · 06/10/2025 13:00

I would only sit with them if invited.Otherwise no. It's not that hard to include you.People can generally be in a clique, although they are friendly, are not that nice!

CatherinedeBourgh · 06/10/2025 13:12

If I was them I wouldn't want to make you feel like you had to join us, you obviously have a busier life than they do so may want some time alone (I would). But I'd be surprised if they weren't open to you joining them if you wanted to.

AmIBeingWeird · 06/10/2025 13:37

Suppose it’s just that if the shoe was on the other foot, I can’t imagine not saying “oh we’re always down here on a Saturday morning, you’re very welcome to join if you fancy it” etc

OP posts:
CatherinedeBourgh · 06/10/2025 20:27

AmIBeingWeird · 06/10/2025 13:37

Suppose it’s just that if the shoe was on the other foot, I can’t imagine not saying “oh we’re always down here on a Saturday morning, you’re very welcome to join if you fancy it” etc

But then they might worry that you don't fancy it but feel you have to.

Lizzbear · 06/10/2025 20:47

They sound a bit cliquey. I’d be a bit upset if they didn’t ask me to join them for coffee

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