Husband on onlyfans

[Mum2512]

So last night my 3 year old son was looking at husbands pictures and went to internet by mistake and i seen an icon come up for onlyfans. I clicked and seen my husband has being giving hundreds to these women for different things.Confronted husband when kids went to bed and he blamed me for being on his phone. No apology, nothing just absolutely livid i clicked into the onlyfans. Says its his own business. Bear in mind we have 3 kids and youngest is 3 months. Really think this is a deal breaker and so disrespectful but not sure where to start with divorce etc. He hasnt spoken to me since last night so he really is just an ass. Just looking for opinions from anyone who had similar experience.

It would absolutely be game over for me OP, sorry.

He’s paying other women to touch themselves so he can get off from watching them.

I don’t recall that behaviour being mentioned in marriage vows.

He is despicable and the fact that he didn’t even attempt to apologise or vow never to do it again shows that he cares not one bit about your feelings and is going to carry on.

The problem is that he’s now emotionally detached from you and the women performing these sex acts are full time devoted to keeping their figures looking a certain way and will pay for surgery and cosmetic enhancements and he will now be unfairly comparing them to you.

There is no way to overcome this unless you want a life of misery and insecurity.

I know your children are young but a split now is better than later on when you are completely worn down by him.

He is cheating on you with other women.

He is spending money on them instead of his own children and the benefit of the family.

And his reaction shows he doesn't care and he has no respect for you.

I'm sorry OP but you will be much happier finishing your relationship before it eats away at your self esteem and self worth. Leave him to get his sexual gratification from sex workers as that's obviously more important to him than you or his children.

You asked for experience so this is mine. I found out my dh had been on OF. Initially I was livid. The caveat with us is that he has a particular kink that I’m aware of but which we have never done together or are likely to do. He was watching content relating to this. I found out because I saw a subscription fee of about £15 go out of his bank.

I demanded to see if he’d been engaging with any of these women and there were no private messages or evidence to suggest he had. I think if it had been more personal in that respect I would have felt differently. For me it was more like him viewing porn, which again I’m not thrilled about but it isn’t a deal breaker for me especially when I know he has his private interest/preferences.

People have very different thresholds when it comes to their tolerance of porn and OF which is arguably a more personal and certainly more costly site. It’s how you feel about it that matters. Obviously if your dh has been spending hundreds of pounds from the family money and neglecting you and your new baby then it’s a bigger problem than just a recreational wank. His attitude also sucks.

Based on that I think it’s probably game over for you.

I agree with the other posters. It somehow seems worse than normal online porn as he's kind of creating relationships with these women. It's such a sad world these days. Every dodgy thought can be acted on. Perhaps if he engaged in discussion with you about why it's happened (porn addiction? sex addiction? Feeling undervalued?) and planned ways to work on this and ways to strengthen your relationship, then maybe you could work through this. But as it stands currently, this seems unlikely. I'm so sorry.

I wouldn’t be able to come back from this. Absolutely gross.

This isn’t just him watching random porn it’s him interacting with individuals and sending them alot of money that could be used for the family. God knows what he’s being given by them in exchange for the money he’s sending.

I'm so sorry OP, especially with such young children.
He's a selfish man, his reaction is worst, how do you move on if he won't take responsibility for his actions?
It would be the end for me.

Believe it or not, most men have absolutely no respect either for men that would do this. If someone I knew was doing this we'd think he was a total loser when he has a family and there is so much free stuff out this if he had the urge. Definitely a bridge too far and if he isn't hugely apologetic and seeks help I'd say he's too far gone.

This would be a dealbreaker for me. You’ve just given birth to his child and he’s spending money on watching other women perform sex acts for him? He won’t stop. He doesn’t respect you. Are you able to see a solicitor and get some advice on how to separate? This could be the tip of the iceberg if he’s prepared to pay for sex. Sorry you’re going through this.

After discovering that behaviour, absolutely nothing could induce me to stay with him a moment longer. You would be far better off without him - he is a total loss as a human and a horrible example to your children.

I couldn't continue a marriage with this person. Can you?

What this looks like depending on income, child support, childcare etc completely changes how you go about ending it or continuing, but the writing is on the wall with one, whether it's now or in 10yrs time.

I couldn't respect or stay in a marriage with a man who was diverting hundreds of pounds away from his young family to sit and play with his penis in front of young women, for his kicks.

His first reaction was to blame you for finding out? That shows you who he is. I'm not sure how you come back from this especially as he can't even own what he's done and therefore be capable of discussing with you what damage this has done to your marriage and if it's possible, how to move forward.

Each couple must discuss and decide themselves what is acceptable for them in their relationship and what they consider cheating. Different couples have different boundaries.

Only fans and PMing sex workers is an absolute crossed line for me. My husband knows that and knows that if he did that, then I would end our marriage.

If it’s a definite no from you, then you need to communicate that with him clearly.