Still struggling to be intimate with my husband

[Sunflower2000ftm]

Hi! First time posting, never used this website before but a friend commented about it.

ive been with my husband for 6 years, and we have a 2 year old together. Before having baby we had a pretty normal sex life.
after having baby, I didn’t let him touch me until 6 months after and still was with a lot of effort my end as truly didn’t want it.
fast forward to now, over 2 years since baby was born (via c section if that’s relevant) and I still feel no desire whatsoever to be intimate. Obviously it’s impacting our relationship, but I struggle to even pretend. I feel I can’t switch off the mum side that quickly after baby’s gone to sleep and in all honesty I don’t ever feel like it anyways, even if we are away for the weekend. It’s just a chore that I can’t even pretend to like.

the more my husband wants it, the more pressure I feel and less I want it.

I would love if anyone has got any advice on what I could do or take to improve, or if anyone has experienced it similarly? I just feel broken and that I can’t be a full woman that I once was, when being sexual and sensual was part of my personality.

please be kind!

Personally, I think the longer you go without, the harder it is to go back to it. It’s like a mental block. Firstly I’d speak to the GP, it could be that there’s something medical going on. Then I’d look for some counselling for yourself, possibly couples counselling in time.
Are you having time away from mum duties to be yourself? Do you have date nights with DH? Are you eating well and exercising?
And I suppose another question is, do you love him and want to get back to being intimate with him?

I would speak to your GP you could have low testosterone or something like that. But I think it’s more likely because you see your body in a different way right now. Sex drive is a movable feast and there’s every chance it will come back. But a two year hiatus is a long one.

The most important thing is to keep talking to your partner. If you are not intimate physically it’s important to be intimate in terms of honesty. Talk about ways forward and try to have loving touch even if it’s not leading to sex. Talk about what you are in the mood to try and what you’re not ready for. I think you need to work together on this and have difficult conversations. Chances are your body will turn a corner and you will be more open to a sexual relationship. In the meantime keep communicating.

Maybe go to see a doctor then maybe bith of you go to counselling together x

I think the first few years with a child are the hardest on the relationship. I remember feeling very “touched out” during that period and that my body was constantly needed by someone so by the end of the day when my children were in bed I had nothing left to give and just wanted to be left alone. I still loved my husband but I didn’t want any physical affections.

I personally think what you are experiencing is very common. Have you spoken to him about this ? Maybe you could take sex off the table for a while and try and rebuild closeness in other ways like holding hands more , cuddling on the sofa… I think he needs to know he isn’t being rejected as that can hurt but it’s just a massive change for you.