How long do you give a man in the talking stage?

[Waterhorse46]

My cut off point is 2 weeks. My friends think it’s too harsh, but I don’t want a pen pal. How long do you usually give a man? If a date isn’t on the cards nor is there any talks of it and he’s just doing the questioning of your life, would you just give up. Or be forward and say “ look if this doesn’t lead to a date let’s leave it?”

By the time I met DP online I was down to 2-3 days. I was sick of spending weeks and weeks of build up only to be bitterly disappointed when we met. Cut to the chase and meet up and move on if it doesn’t work. I know DP felt the same too. Too many time wasters and let Downs on OLD to waste time on.

We’ve been together 12 years now do this tactic worked!

I think your right op, 2 weeks is plenty long enough to at least get a date set up, I’d also ask to meet up and not just wait on them, excuses mean they aren’t interested enough or not single.

I wouldn’t wait 2 weeks to arrange a date. You can tell in 3-7 days if it’s going anywhere. Might take 2 weeks in total for you both to be free but I’m not doing the how’s your day dance for that long if a date hasn’t been discussed.

According to the research the sweet spot is between 17 and 23 days.

I think if you aren't planning a date within a week then it's a no and will likely fizzle out.
If you can't find time for a bit then that's different, but the intention to meet needs to be there.

Literally, this. You couldn’t be more right. I just worry about being the first to give the man a nudge about it. How do I do it. How do I say it? I get so nervous

You know it would be great to talk about this in person, how about we meet up for a coffee next week?

If they’ve got kids I ask when they have free time. And if they have plans the next time they’re free. If they don’t, suggest a coffee or a walk to see how we get on. Make it a quick catch up. Not longer than an hour. Some guys don’t want to be too forward so it’s absolutely fine for you to ask. Saves you wasting time with a penpal.

I did OLD 3 years ago, met DP, he was date 4 of 5. I had date 5 between mine and DP's first and second date as it was already organised.

I asked every single one out. Everyone is so slow and it's boring! After 2 or 3 days of speaking I would ask if they were interested in meeting up.

Just ask, what's the worst they can say? No. So what, ditch and move on in that case.

Why don't you ask? I usually say, so do you want to meet and go on a date? And let's see where the conversation leads.

“I’ve been enjoying talking to you so much, I’m really looking forward to meeting up in person. When are you free to meet for a coffee/drink/dog walk/wander round a museum?”

I would never do dinner on a first date. Made that mistake twice, learned a hard lesson.

My rule was if no sign of a date within a week, cut them off. I didn’t want a penpal, and there was a higher chance of the “just want to take it slow and chat for a while” guys actually being married and just looking for an ego stroke.

I would not chat for more than a few days without meeting, having had the experience of a pseudo-relationship developing that was purely via chat for 2 weeks. By the time we met, it felt like there was some kind of obligation to have more than one date. He seemed quite pleasant but I did not want a second date. Very awkward after two weeks of "good morning" texts.
DP was also not into text chitchat and we arranged a date almost immediately.

It used to be 1 week for me. If a date isn’t arranged and in the diary after a week without a very good reason, I didn’t stick around.

Zero interest in a pen pal.

I was amazed by the number of men on OLD who had zero initiative and seemingly no interest im actually meeting in the flesh. I am convinced many of them were married/in relationships and just wanted an ego boost.

This was about a year ago, I’m not sure if things have improved since.

I wasn't in any particular rush to meet up. We were living 120 miles apart and I was fine just having emai exchanges for the first 4 weeks. We had a good rapport and hardly missed a day, then he went on a pre booked diving trip. I sent him a text while he was away on account of the mobile signal being better in the Red Sea than it was where we lived, asking if he'd like to meet up when he got back and he was up for that.

its a very personal thing, I don't think you can make any hard and fast rules about when to meet. I found the email exchanges told me a lot about the person I was talking with. He let me set the pace which I was very grateful for. He hasn't changed in the past 10+ years (we were very lucky and found each other after 3 weeks on OLD). I think OLD is chock full of timewasters nowadays, whereas it wasn't when we connected,

I wouldn't rush into meeting someone after a week, even now. No way!

I’d say we need to be discussing meeting up after a week otherwise it’s going nowhere.
But equally I hated it when men were asking ya meet after 1/2 messages - I’d rather chat the a few days at least to see if we get on.

Like a PP I never do dinner as a first date - it’s always a casual drink usually in the afternoon.