I’m struggling a bit with commitment?

[BenCook]

I’m 29 and I’ve been dating a 33F for 3 months ish. A little over 4 weeks have that have been officially exclusive.

She’s honestly such a great girl. Like so lovely. We really enjoy spending time together. We’re physically compatible. She does sweet things like whenever I feel slightly ill she jumps straight to getting me things to feel better. She thinks so much about me she’s so kind and caring. I’ve never had someone be this good to me. And I really like her.

But committing to her seriously for the very long term really scares me. I don’t know if I’ll want to marry her or have kids with her. Not sure I’ll be ready for kids in the time we have. And I feel really pressured by myself. What if I want to move to another city? What if I want to date someone else one day? I’m not ready to just stop seeing other people forever and ever yet? I don’t particularly want to date anyone else. But I’m not saying I won’t ever?

I’ve spoken to her about this a few times and I think she’s starting to get annoyed. She’s said it’s only 3 months it doesn’t need to be so long term thinking her. She’s said she wants kids but only with the right person. Said she’s ok not having them if she doesn’t get the chance. She also said if we get serious enough we can look at medical options like freezing eggs.

But she also said it’s way too full on to be seriously talking about marriage and kids at 3 months and I’m making her feel old by constantly bringing it up.

She said if I’ve decided it’s not gonna work for me long term i need to leave. Otherwise commit to giving it a proper go. But it’s making her feel anxious that I’m so unsure about the future. But every time ive been in that moment, its felt too painful to leave. And I haven’t felt like I want to let her go.
I don’t know what to do.

I feel trapped by my own anxiety. Leaving doesn’t feel right. Staying feels like I’m risking my future.

What was wrong with all the replies you got from your last thread on exactly this issue?

You were very clearly told last time to end things, don’t mess her around, and seek lots of therapy before starting any other relationship. Do you think the advice will be any different now?

And the 25 threads before that

Good lord you are boring. Do you do anything except introspect about your relationship? Do you have any other interests, hobbies or occupations?

If you like really like liked her this wouldn’t be an issue. Well not such a big issue that it required a weekly post on mumsnet.

Why are you even still with her? You don’t seem to like her very much.

Also, she isn’t a ‘girl’.

Weekly? More like daily did the last fortnight.

OP - you post again and again and again but don’t want to acknowledge what anyone is telling you and you just argue against every post so you’re just wasting your time as well as everyone else’s.

End this unhealthy relationship and get therapy - not that you’ll take this onboard but it’s the only answer anyone can give you.

Well at least he’s committed to something 😆

I thought this thread sounded familiar.

Sounds like she’s wasting her time.

Sigh. You again? Look, break up with her, it's unfair to string her along whilst being such a wishy washy dish cloth. No one knows how the future will pan out but realistically, once you've decided to be "exclusive" that IS supposed to be a decision that you are going to give it a good try for long term commitment to each other, otherwise you'd surely just keep things casual? You sound like you don't want to commit to her but also don't want to let her go to find the happiness and relationship she wants and deserves with anyone else.

“TwistedWonder · Today 13:50

OP - you post again and again and again but don’t want to acknowledge what anyone is telling you and you just argue against every post so you’re just wasting your time as well as everyone else’s.
End this unhealthy relationship and get therapy - not that you’ll take this onboard but it’s the only answer anyone can give you.”

This with bells on. People’s answers aren’t going to change and it’s rather selfish of you to keep posting for advice when you’re not interested in what people have to say. Please seek therapy and consider medication. You need proper help to get you out of this loop.

See a therapist.

You haven't found the 'answer' you are looking for in any of the hundreds of responses from all your threads. You won't find it by repeating yourself

I’m 29 and I’ve been dating a 33F
She’s 36. We all remember your thousands of other threads.

I’ve spoken to her about this a few times and I think she’s starting to get annoyed
That’s not surprising. You’ve managed to annoy strangers online with your constant hand-wringing; it’s easy to imagine how tiresome this would be in real life.

She said if I’ve decided it’s not gonna work for me long term i need to leave. Otherwise commit to giving it a proper go
Why are you back here yet again with more anguished whining about how you “don’t know what to do”, when you’ve answered your own question? You said yourself: “I’m not ready to just stop seeing other people forever and ever yet”.
That’s not committing to her, is it?

But every time ive been in that moment, its felt too painful to leave. And I haven’t felt like I want to let her go.
What you want, what you need, it’s all about you all the fucking time. She’s told you what she needs - for you to commit to giving it a go, or for you to leave. You’re not committed, stop being so bloody selfish and leave!

Come on OP we all discussed this at great length in another recent thread. You are wasting our time now.