Break the cycle

[Elixir86]

Genuine question of how do you move past prior bad experiences.
I've done a lot of online dating and have been through all the rubbish stuff that you hear about but will continue to put myself out there and am mostly positive about the possibilities.
But I feel I tend to be anticipating the same patterns that I've experienced before. Even if a guy is nice, I'm just waiting for the slip, like my brain has lesrned the behaviour and assumes it coming.
How do you reprogram your brain after consistently going through the same things?
I should point out that I know I'm awesome, am happy in my own company but do want someone in my life and sometimes get lonely, I don't want to settle. It feels like when you bite your nails and it's this habit that you don't realise you are doing.

I think it helps to realise that many of them will be thinking the same when they meet you.

Online dating can be pretty brutal and not for the fainthearted.

So those who persevere, will be doing it for the same reasons as you, or at least many of them will.

Therapy

OLD is dreadful and there are a huge amount of damaged men out there. They can sometimes give the impression that they’re healthy and well balanced but not indefinitely. You won’t know until you get to know them better.
For me the most important thing was to learn more about myself. So noticing the red flags that I ignored and why. I’ve been able to exit quicker and save myself some stress and worry. And I’ve also questioned whether I do want a man as single life is lovely. So as a result I think I’m in the healthiest place now when I do meet someone. If I don’t I’m ok with that.

@Naws i tend to give people the benefit of the doubt so hope they are either in it for similar reasons or are just generally pleasant people so there's no heartbreak or anything like that.
I've become quite hardened to it so if things do go awry, I don't take it as much, I don't cry over it or anything, I just move on.
I think in my gut there's just always this piece that remembers how others have panned out and each new set up that ends the same feeds into the same narrative so it feels like habit.

@UpDownAllAround1 i went through therapy a while ago, really helped me to improve how I saw myself. Not sure it would be worth the money to attempt to train my brain for OLD, plus I don't have the money haha.

@Brightbluesomething i think maybe because I always try and see the best in people I used to see some of the flags after the fall out, when I had that short reflection to try and learn. I definitely cull a lot of the s*&t these days. Some of my friends find it funny when after 3 sentences I tell them this won't go anywhere as they haven't spotted the nuanced comments and low and behold 5 sentences in the bloke is telling me "maybe we could have our own private workout 😉"
I think I see a lot of it coming now, but the times I didn't and I got burned still sit there in my peripherals.

I was similar for so long and let things go when I thought they were a good person and going through a difficult time. Then I realised that’s just their life (multiple guys) and they’d never care about my feelings or go out of their way for me.
And yes I’ve just dealt with the same explicit crap that makes me want to vomit. One guy after what was a lovely date decided to offer me ‘extra protein’ when I got back from the gym a few days later. And then gave me a very detailed description as if I couldn’t work that out for myself. I can’t believe some women actually fall for these creeps.

Sounds like hes trying to be kind.

But im in same situation met an amazing man not long ago. Omg i fucked his head up but remember each man you meet is a mirror for an unhealed part of you and the universe sends the same type of man back to see if you have learnt yet.

Love astrology me. Download chat gpt and talk astrology.
Look at your life path number etc its all so accurate.

Also date minimum 2 men not one.

Remember your the table what do they bring to your table.

Kind?😂 No it’s not kind to message in great detail his many and varied sexually explicit suggestions on how to transfer his protein to me. That’s a creepy chancer who no doubt tried the same with the next person on his contact list. He’s not amazing. He’s blocked.

Not sure your description of what you appear to have done to your BF is the healthiest either!

I was in a cohersive controlling relationship for 2.5 years. Finished in jan first man started dating i didnt know how to date so just like stuck with him. He is textbook fab. But i was used to high highs and low lows and i messed things up. Hes a good friend now