History repeating itself

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When I was 19 I still lived at home and I went away for a weekend with my boyfriend of a year. My parents called me a slut and said I was disgusting and my dad stopped speaking to me for a year.

I'm 56 now and I still remember the hurt and shame that they called me this.

My mum has since passed and today my 83 year old dad found out my 18 year old DD is sleeping with her boyfriend.

He's called her a similar name (not to her thankfully) and called my dead mum the same name (she cheated apparently).

I stood up and said don't talk about my DD like that and he said well she is. I then burst into tears and walked out. I've literally cried all day, I can't believe he's lost his mind over a choice she's made about her own body.

Sex was never talked about at home, it was always classed as wrong if you weren't married and he still thinks this. Because of this I've always been open and answered all her questions.

He will not apologise, he never does. He will now not contact me, or her as he thinks he's right. They were so close and she'd be heartbroken if she knew he thought that of her.

So what do I do, could you forgive what he's called her. DD is at uni but will wonder why he's not been in touch. I'm not sure I can get over him repeating what he did to me. He even said he's got morals, but those morals allowed him to insult my DD.

How on earth is he privy to his grandaughter's sex life??

No I wouldn't forgive him and I'd also tell your DD why.

Her boyfriend has gone to see her in uni and he worked it out from that!

I didn't tell him that's for sure.

He worked out they were having sex because he went to visit her??

He sounds like he's bordering on a bit pervy to be honest.

He's not pervy, he just said well where is is staying and then worked it out they were sharing the room.

He's very old fashioned with his views and opinionated.

Sharing a room when you go to stay with someone doesn't automatically mean you're having sex.

He decided his 18 year old grandaughter is having sex (not something most grandparents want to really think about) and then called her a 'similar name to a slut' (slag??)

He's thinking far too much about her sex life and adding in his own version to boot.

Does that sound healthy to you?

There is a time and a place for telling your father to fuck off and this is it. Cut the despicable bastard off completely.

It's going to be a difficult situation, but I also think you need to tell your dd why.

and tell her the history too.

I’m sorry this probably isn’t what you want to hear OP. I think the grandfather’s interest is very unhealthy. My stepfather used the exact same approach when I was a teenager. I went on holiday with my boyfriend and he called me a whore and stopped speaking to me for months. I discovered in my 50s that I’d experienced CSA at the hands of my stepfather. I class his comments as a type of gaslighting - the portrayed ‘high morals’ meant no one ever considered he’d done anything immoral, until I began working through my trauma... I won’t tell you what to do but I would be very concerned about this. Take care.

He sounds horrible and pretty abusive, using such awful slurs about his own grandaughter. I'd pull right back from him. He doesn't deserve to have a relationship with your daughter.

I honestly didn't think that people with those views still existed. Would he feel the same if you had a son who was sleeping with his girlfriend?