Could I please ask,how supportive is the man usually leading up to and during labour?

[wooga]

Just watching something that's brought back memories of the night before dd was born.

I knew I was getting near to going to the hospital,in pain and I really wanted someone alongside me-company I suppose, but exh went to bed and didn't want to be disturbed until he really had to be-when my mum came over to drive us to the hospital.

I was downstairs on my own,pacing the lounge,trying to watch tv to take my mind off things and timing my contractions,so I'd know when to phone for a lift.

I know that,fair enough,he probably needed some kip(as I did ),but I thought he'd genuinely want to be there with me-and I'm not into these slushy,soppy films where everything's perfect.

I just thought he'd have an interest as my ds had complications and was a cs several weeks early(exh was pretty crap that time too).

Is this just normality as far as relationships go?Is this how it is with all men?

DH is a bit British and bloke-y, if you see what I mean. So not your natural Earth father. He has told me that he felt very useless in labour, perhaps because it went on for ages and for most of it I was going into myself during contractions, so there wasn't much that anyone else could do. I did point out to him that he was really good re: pain relief options, he was the one pushing the water and glucose tablets on me (which was a good thing) and he was the one who held the sick bowl through the whole process. So perhaps not so useless as he had thought.

He has been really good at the whole antenatal thing this time around, and is very keen to make up for my last experience during the birth. He really wants to push for whatever I want. I have coached him that this time he will not do (or allow the MW to do) the whole go-go-go pushing thing. I was bloomin pushing and it was really annoying to be shouted at! He has also been primed to tell me what a wonderful job I'm doing at regular intervals.

My DH was pretty good actually. He stayed in bed when I was having my early contractions and then was by my side for the entire thing. However, when we went to NCT meetings afterwards (to speak with prospective parents), he would drive me absolutely insane by saying "hey dads, don't forget to look after yourselves during the labour etc".

We were in hospital for two days due to DD being very small and on the Saturday, the day after she was born, DH decided to go to town for the day because he needed some "me time" - the fact that DD had kept me awake ALL night and unless she was chewing on my nipples, she was screaming the place down, was clearly by the by.

DH did sudoku and patted me on the arm now and then .

Actually it was because he was bloody terrified and just want hoping it would be over soon. I've forgiven him now.

However I've not forgiven him totally for eating toast in front of me when I was nil by mouth .

He's on probation during my next birth.

My DH was very supportive and didn't leave my side (that I remember) in my 20 hour hospital nightmare. He also had marks in his neck from where I held him to tight during contraction.

This time he is working a lot of overtime to pay for the student doula (who has been far more helpful than what we are paying would deserve). He has got the water pool out two weekends on the trot, so I can relax and float around, as I am feeling 'full' and 'uncomfortable'

He is my rock and without him, I would not of planned to have another baby. But even if it descends into another nightmare, he will be with me and that is what counts.

Another great DH here. He missed early stages due to me being induced and him being sent home to bed ('because she won't start for another 12 hours ) Cue my waters breaking 30 minutes after he left. Frankly I couldn't see the point of us both being up all night, so when the midwife offered to call him I said not to bother....I wondered around the ward reading rubbish magazines and playing with the tens machine. They called him went I got taken down down to he labour ward at 6cm dilated, cos I decided I really needed g and a then.

He bullied the student midwife into letting me change positions despite all the monitoring equipment, got me beanbags, played the music, made me drink, and helped with my breathing....plus teased the g and a off me when the contraction had passed

I know he found the final 10 minutes absolutely horrific, as I had been relatively calm until then (I had a high forceps delivery with no pain relief and although some of it is a bit blurry, I can remember screaming like a banshee as they inserted the inserted the forceps and pulled.) Poor Dh was in FLOODS of tears, but was still trying to do the right thing for me.

Afterwards he did the first bath and the first two nappy changes in hospital, whilst I lay like the Queen of Sheba eating my prunes (!) and phoning all my mates from the bedside phone....

All in all, top marks.

DH (who is usually quite a touchy-feely type!) refused point blank to come to any ante-natal classes or to take an interest in advance - still not quite sure why! On the other hand he ended up delivering DD2 and was fairly calm in a crisis!

First time round, dh didn't really know what to do, occasionally came into the bedroom to check while I was labouring at home, but found it v hard to stay with me. Then when we were at hosp he got a bit better until it all went a bit pear-shaped (I had an emergency cs) and he started crying and didn't stop until I was in recovery. So he was concerned (obv, bless him) but not v useful. He was MUCH better next two times, I think because they were far shorter labours and he knew what to expect.

dh was very good-with me the whole way (and it was a long way)
supported me both physically and mentally
he was fantastic actually-it was very emotional for both of us

DH was brilliant the first time and helped me massively.
Second time he nearly missed it, not his fault though as it was all rather fast! although he did tell me afterwards that he had tears in his eyes on the train getting to the hospital thinking of me there without him and having got to hospital too late for my epidural.
All turned out well in the end though as MIL stepped in to be birth partner and was fabulous and DH raced in the door just as I was pushing DS2 out and even got to cut the cord

i was in hospital week before ds was born had stuck a week at home in severe pain dp thought i was making it up i think lol

it was kidney infection so was having contractions every min went doctors who had a go at me but my first pregnancy didnt know it wasnt normal didnt want to go over reacting

she sent me to hospital my dp took week off sat with me all day helped me in bath and soothed me got food cuddles and kind words he is never supportive

when in labour he was amazing have never seen him so supportive and never have again but cannot fault how at ease he made me feel and how well he coped with all the drama

i'll cherish it forever as now he is back to his normal self MEN

PMSL at stopping at B&Q for radiator parts on way to hospital!!

ConnorTraceptive:My dh let me bite his head whilst pushing

Now that's devotion!

He did have to leave to make phone calls during the stitching up part - the midwife held my hand then but wouldn't let me bite