Living with brother waiting for my flat to complete after break up but he keeps raising his voice at me

[MysticalPombear]

Hi all hoping for some advice to grt me through a tough phase in life.

I was due to complete on a flat early September, solicitors and whatnot being how they are meant that has extended longer than I would have liked.

I took myself off my mortgage with ex as they bought me out. They become very emotionally and verbally toxic.

My brother kept telling me to move in here, which I ended up doing.

I didn't realise though he has a problem with alcohol and drinks a lot every night even when on shifts.

I am so grateful him letting me stay here, but as its gone on I am walking on eggshells worrying if something is out of place or not his standard of perfect... he will swear and raise his voice at me.

I have been doing a lot of the housework but it is never enough and have been buying shopping and treats for him to say thank you and alcohol (begrudgingly but he wants it).

I am unsure what to do, just to bide time and put up with it. I dont raise voice or query it, just stay quiet and hope the mood will pass.

He can be very calm and kind and a wonderful brother but this side is killing me and I don't know what to do.

I am staying out as much as I can and just being in when necessary or when he is at work on shifts.

My flat is due to complete hopefully this month, just wondering how to deal?

I am 40 and my brother is in mid 50s.

I have a campervan I was staying in but it's getting too cold for me and my doggy to stay.

Just wondering how to get through. Or atleast a hand hold or hug lol.

Can you manage a basic AirBnB until completion?

If the end is in sight I would try and grit my teeth and get through the days. Do you have your own room you can retreat to when you are both there or when he is drinking?

Otherwise you’ll have to find other accommodation which will be expensive unless you have another friend or relative to stay with.

How long until you complete on your new property? Can you stay with friends for a while?

If you feel safe I’d probably just get through it
but you could try an air BnB or tell him you’re visiting a friend if you have anywhere else you can go.
you could try talking to him but obviously this could escalate things and he could kick you out
once you’re out it might be worth talking to him about his alcohol issues if you think he’s struggling

Can you have a few nights away to break it up? Just a cheap hotel out of season or something.

Thanks all, after storm passes I will look into staying in my campervan for a few nights I think and then hopefully it'll only be 2 to 3 weeks before completion.

It luckily has gas so I can make hot water bottle and wear warm clothes as can the doggo. We will be fine till the storm passes.

Dose it have electric? Can you get an electric blanket?

That might be a good idea actually

i would normally say go to a Travelodge but with a dog that is a no. i would not stay there personally as he is putting you at risk all the time and making you subject to a life you do not want. you have just come out of a relationship with serious issues you do not want him starting too,
you say it is cold in the camper van I did over winter in so there is a way. firstly i would get some thick cardboard boxes put those on the floor as insulation. if you can get some of those thick silver heat retaining sheets to put on the windows at night. if you can get electric get a couple of cosy electric throws which will come in handy anyway. you can also get USB ones just pile on duvets and snuggle up to the dog they keep you lovely and warm! also put on a hat and gloves in bed plus thick socks. if it is only for a short while you should be ok and at least it is peaceful

Good advice especially with the window covers. You don't want to wake up to condensation. And don't think you need to ' suck it up and brave it out', just set some time aside to make it cozy.
Thick socks and indoor shoes/ Slippers.
At least two hot water bottles, yes you need a hat. Thermos ( charity shop ?)
Long life milk and tins, comfort food.
Fairy lights, hot chocolate.

Maybe just use it as a retreat space not full on relocation?