Am I being crazy?!

[ZingyLemonViewer]

I really need some advice please. Partner works with a female colleague who’s a bit of a ‘pick me girl’. I’m currently 4 months postpartum and dealing with PPD and I admitted this to my partner a few months ago which took a lot of courage. When he was upstairs one time, I looked though his teams messages between him and this female work colleague (who is now pregnant with her boyfriends baby) and he told her about my PPD. I felt so betrayed and we argued and made up about it. That was around a month ago. The other week she messaged him to say are you okay you seem very quiet, which he showed me. When he was upstairs again today I looked at their chat and no new conversations have happened but he’s deleted the chat history (the history I’ve already seen). Am I being crazy or is this weird? I don’t think I can even bring it up because he’ll know I looked again and he already thinks I don’t trust him.

I just want to add he have a really good relationship which is why I think I might be overreacting?

It’s possible he just didn’t want that chat on his work channels as it’s quite private. I think it’s fair you don’t want this woman knowing intimate details about your life. However I think he should have someone to talk about how he’s feeling so perhaps suggest he talks to a close friend or therapist. It’s not appropriate to be leaning emotionally on another (pregnant) female colleague if it makes you uncomfortable as it’s more likely to add to the problems than solve them.

I don’t think he’s given you a reason not to trust him. He’s just been a bit thoughtless over who he discussed your problems with.

Why did you look through his messages ?

I think as women it’s easy to forget that our parent word may be going through a tough time watching us have PPD and dealing with their own issues.

It honestly just sounds like he’s found someone he feels he can unload onto.

Do you discuss your PPD with anyone else?

There doesn't seem to be much trust in your relationship (perhaps justifiably, I don't know) but given that, I'm surprised you'd call it a 'good relationship'. In all honesty, I've never been tempted to read through my partner's (or even my nasty ex's) messages. And, with my ex it wasn't because he didn't give me cause to doubt him. Perhaps look beyond this incident and ask yourself why you don't feel like you can trust him - how much of it is your insecurity and how much of it is his behaviour.

I don't think it's strange he deleted the previous chat messages. He probably didn't want you going through them again in case it caused more upset and that's what he was trying to avoid. Honestly OP (and I'm say this kindly) you are on a slippery slope if you keep checking up on him. You either trust him or you dont.

Does he have any other females friends who he could confide / talk to for advice?

Sometimes us blokes need a females perspective. I had a ‘work wife’ I’d talk to about things that I wouldn’t want to talk to my mates about… and vice versa.

I’d also delete the messages from teams as 1. It’s not work related. 2. For security / stop others seeing personal convos.

I wouldn't be that suspicious - he was upfront about the message and he may well have deleted the thread because he doesn't want to upset you any further when you are feeling fragile. It is easy to read stuff into messages that are entirely innocent.

But YABU for calling her a 'pick me girl'. It's such a misogynistic label, plus especially towards a young woman pregnant with her boyfriend's child.

Honestly, there’s not enough here to be raising suspicion. Having a conversation about PPD while she is pregnant doesn’t feel like a boundary crossed but sharing experience to find mutual support. I can see why you wouldn’t like it, but it’s not a red flag. She then messaged and he told you because he realises you feel upset over it. I’m just not seeing anything here.

How do you know she's a 'pick me' girl? YABU going through his phone.

He shouldn't have shared your medical info though.