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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Uni friend/crush asked me out but I am having mixed feelings

16 replies

Acesocool2 · 03/10/2025 14:14

One of my friends M20 I have known for a few months now at uni just asked me out F20. have had some feeling for this person and we were at a uni party, really drunk and kissed and he told me he really likes me. I am conflicted over this because I am not 100% sure of my feelings and that felt more rushed than I expected. I know I do have some feelings and we have been talking for a while but what holds me back is I am sort of hung up over my ex(M21) who graduated over the summer. On one hand I am like I should be open to new connection and move on, with someone who can actually make time for me and be there.

I am single, but me and my ex broke up because he wanted to focus on his career and long distance as he moved back to India indefinitely but I am in the UK. I dropped him at the airport when he left, and we still obviously have feelings. He did express before leaving that he did not want me waiting on him but when he got his career stuff back together he would want to get back together though that would be like 5 years and he would visit me in between the years. He called me the other week and he told me he will be back in december for graduation and be here for like 2 months and he might move back to the UK for work. Part of me wants to wait for him, but I don't know if I am holding onto an idea of him that is of the past.

Apart from this my ex has in the past ghosted me for 3,4 weeks at a time. He has also never been consistent with his promises where if he even changed his mind like multiple times in a month over the summer where he was indecisive about staying in the UK or moving back. I don't know if I should put life on hold for someone who is indicessive and not there for me versus what is in front of me right now.

OP posts:
WatchingTheDetective · 03/10/2025 14:19

I'd forget your ex. It's big of him to say he may come back after five years - who does he think he is!

Give the other guy a try but take it slowly. Don't compare him to your ex, just see him for as long as you feel like seeing him. If he brings you down in any way or makes you feel bad about yourself, end it. If he makes you happy, keep going.

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 14:29

Sure you have fellow friends in RL at uni that you can have a chat / gossip with this about?!

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 14:30

On your other thread, you ex had admitted to cheating on you. Is it that one?

cooldarkroom · 03/10/2025 14:33

You are 20, it doesn't need to be so intense. Your X has left you dangling, he may or may not come back, & you may or may not be available & interested if he does. Please just enjoy this potential relationship, No need for it to be intense, see how it pans out.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/10/2025 14:34

I’d also be forgetting your ex and I certainly would not be holding a torch for him. I think you’ve dodged a bullet actually by him returning to India. Men who ghost are both flaky and unreliable.

Why would you put your life on hold for this person, give your head a wobble!. Work on your boundaries some more here through therapy if necessary because men like your ex harm those. Love your own self for a change and read Women who love too
much by Robin Norwood.

All this from him about coming back to see you within the five years is pure bs. He is unlikely to return and in that time will likely be married to someone within his religion or caste.

TheNewWasp · 03/10/2025 14:35

I read up until crush. What are you, 12?

Idontjetwashthefucker · 03/10/2025 14:39

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 14:29

Sure you have fellow friends in RL at uni that you can have a chat / gossip with this about?!

You could say that about all threads, what's wrong with OP posting here?

Acesocool2 · 03/10/2025 14:42

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 14:30

On your other thread, you ex had admitted to cheating on you. Is it that one?

Yes that thread about my ex, it was a misunderstanding.

We talked about this later and he did not cheat ... However he changed his words a lot throughout the year. He had reposted a story of her wishing him happy birthday but it was on old photo so seems they never met but are friends.

Context: We broke up in february because he ghosted me for 3,4 weeks over the holidays without telling me. Later he apologized and said he was still kind of moving on from his ex but he wanted to stay friends with me. I tried to be understanding so stayed friends even though I had feelings for him.

Day before his flight to the airport he confesses he still likes me and he pushed me away because he didn't want to hurt me. I did drop him at the airport and we spent that day together though yes he is still in contact with his other ex.

OP posts:
Acesocool2 · 03/10/2025 14:47

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 14:29

Sure you have fellow friends in RL at uni that you can have a chat / gossip with this about?!

Yes, just haven't gotten the chance to talk to them yet and was just feeling uneasy about the whole situation

OP posts:
WatchingTheDetective · 03/10/2025 14:51

Your ex should remain an ex. Quite honestly I wouldn't believe a word he says and I'd forget all about him.

Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 14:53

Acesocool2 · 03/10/2025 14:47

Yes, just haven't gotten the chance to talk to them yet and was just feeling uneasy about the whole situation

Maybe best to wait to have a chat with your uni friends who know the background op.

Odd that on your last thread you boyf had definitely cheated but now… not

Hoppinggreen · 03/10/2025 14:55

My DD (20) got into a brief relationship with a boy in her friend group. I warned her that if it went wrong it would cause HUGE issues in the group.
Unfortunately I was right and she has lost friends over it even though it was just a brief thing

Cinaferna · 03/10/2025 14:58

You are very young and not currently in a committed LTR. There's no need to be. Go out with the man you like. Be honest about your current situation. Let him know - without getting too heavy about it, that you are not right now looking for an exclusive relationship because you and your ex may still have feelings for each other, and you don't want to rule that out as he is back in the country in a few months time and you plan to meet up.

But...I'd suspect someone who ghosts you for weeks but plans on seeing you when they come to UK is using you as a convenience girlfriend. Nice to have waiting for him when he is back in UK but not special enough to stay in touch with when he is in India.

Start dating the other man, non-exclusively. See how you feel when you meet up with your ex again. Your feelings might have changed.

Acesocool2 · 03/10/2025 15:00

Hoppinggreen · 03/10/2025 14:55

My DD (20) got into a brief relationship with a boy in her friend group. I warned her that if it went wrong it would cause HUGE issues in the group.
Unfortunately I was right and she has lost friends over it even though it was just a brief thing

I am a bit concerned about that as well, but all our friends already know sort of as they were trying to be wingmen... I want to open to this but if this doesn't work out I don't know how to handle that. Though, we have been close friends for a while so I do trust him that he is understanding on not likely to create drama or anything. And my friend's know me and my situation decently well.

OP posts:
Naturereserve · 03/10/2025 15:02

I can’t imagine being 20 and at uni and referring to mumsnet AIBU for relationship advice

but here you are OP and so the advice is…. Leave your cheating ex as just that. A cheating ex

Hoppinggreen · 03/10/2025 15:51

Acesocool2 · 03/10/2025 15:00

I am a bit concerned about that as well, but all our friends already know sort of as they were trying to be wingmen... I want to open to this but if this doesn't work out I don't know how to handle that. Though, we have been close friends for a while so I do trust him that he is understanding on not likely to create drama or anything. And my friend's know me and my situation decently well.

DD thought that, close friend etc etc but the way this "nice" boy (who we had met and liked) flipped when DD broke up with him was astounding.
I am not saying your friend would do that, I am just suggesting caution

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