My father was incredibly strict growing up (very shouty and occasionally physically violent) and I was scared of him but I never realised until around 6 months ago when something happened that it clearly still bothers me.
I was doing something on my phone that I was concentrating on and my child said mummy. I was totally oblivious and my husband snapped his fingers and screamed my name because I hadn’t answered. It gave me such a fright and took me back to when I was younger, I was shaking and felt sick. I took myself away and spoke to him about an hour later, explained that I really didn’t like how he shouted and the snapping of the fingers really scared me, he never apologised but we moved on.
Last night he was in a bad mood and our youngest was playing up, I tried to talk to him and he pointed in my face and shouted again. Again, the pointed finger is another triggering thing for me. I haven’t spoken to him since and he clearly isn’t sorry as he’s acting his normal self.
He’s not usually like this. I just thought that after telling him 6 months ago about feeling scared he might have felt bad and apologised last night. We’ve been together 15 years, I’m mid 30s.
Very aware things could be much worse in the relationship! But still bothers me.