Husband and I just not getting on. Need some perspective and advice

[EmberR]

I am really stuck in my own head and looking for some perspective and advice please.

my husband and I have been together 6 years. We met older (mid/late 30s) and have 1 DC age 4. We used to be best friends. So similar characters and got along so well. Really kind and considerate.

This year we have had quite a few life challenges to face and it feels like it’s broken us. We are not a team anymore. He is now being quite rude and thoughtless towards me and I feel lost and lonely. I keep trying to calmly and kindly ask him if he’s unhappy and why. But he never wants to open up, and when he does he just thinks I’m looking for an apology and then we move on.

This feeling of hating being in my own home has gone on for 3-4 months and some nights we don’t even speak?

I miss him. I don’t know how or if we can ever get back to how it was and find our kindness again. I would leave him but I don’t want to upset my DC and share custody. Right now honestly I just wish he wasn’t in my life as we are not making each other happy. I’ve asked to see a marriage counsellor he says no. When I tell him I’m unhappy and considering ending the marriage he just says I am always being so extreme.

My biggest question is. Is this just a bad patch and can we recover or is it like this forever? Neither side is cheating or abusive or anything that is a major no no.

Anyone been in a similar position please?

Are you completely sure there's no one else he could be getting friendlier with?

If the fact that you telling him you're considering leaving him isn't a big wake up call for him, I think he's probably already checked out of the marriage. As hard as it is, I would be suspicious that he has met someone else. I would be looking for evidence.

We both work from home and live in a tiny village. I know where he is 99% of the time so definitely no one else

I think he’s just fed up?

That sounds like part of the problem. If you spend that amount of time together then you’re going to get on each other nerves.
Do you each have hobbies or time apart so you can enjoy time together? Do you go out together?
It sounds like he’s checked out if the threat of leaving isn’t a wake up call. Only you can know whether you’re stuck in a rut that salvageable or if it’s time to separate.

This sounds very like what my aunt went through with her husband. After about two years of it they separated and then divorced. He just wasn’t putting in the effort and made her miserable

Advice please. Having a shocking evening. My husband has told me he has been unhappy (and admitted he has taken it out on me and been unpleasant sometimes) because I have been low. And it’s my fault that he’s unhappy as I have been struggling.

I think it’s a weak excuse to be honest, if your partner is having a tough time shouldn’t you be kinder and supportive. Not say it’s “fatiguing” him and my fault.

What do I do?

If you're suffering with mental health issues and you both work from home and rarely do anything, then it may likely be draining him, it doesn't mean it's done with malice. What you need to decide now is if you do want to try get back to where you were, in which case there will be personal work you each need to do and then put in work as a couple.

We suffer from this. We went from me doing a travel heavy but otherwise work from home job and him doing five days in the office to both of us working from home full time since Covid. It’s driving me up the wall. I get out and do stuff by myself a lot but he went through a phase of never leaving the house. We’re not one of those couples who can spend limitless time together.

fortunately he has rekindled some sort of social life and also goes into the office a couple of days a week now. It gives us something to talk about again.