Hi girls. Hear me out as this may be long but I am just at a complete loss and need maybe some tough love or just to know I’ve ranted. I’ll try and shorten the sentences to make it not so long.
Met my ex online 2010. Lived 7 hours away, always knew I wanted to be with him. 2016 moved to live with my sister, now only 2 hours away. 2017 we met and became official, later that year moved down the country and lived in his parents house. 2019 had our first unplanned child. 2020 moved into a rental house. 2023 had our second unplanned child.
He was a massive gamer, would game 24/7 if he wasn’t at work, didn’t do ANYTHING around the house, didn’t help with the newborn times or with our then 4 year old, no school runs, didn’t cook, the only thing he DID do was pay the bills split 50/50 no ifs or buts. Constantly disrespected me using tinder, messaging girls, flirting, cheating. I realised I wasn’t in love with him anymore but I did still have feelings for him and it was more a case of convenience and familiarity. We shouldn’t have stayed together, but we did.
July 2022 my mum got diagnosed with cancer, March 2023 my grandad passed away, June 2023 our baby was born early and poorly, February 2024 my cousin was murd3red, April 2024 my dad passed away.
October 2024 my gut told me to check his phone (the first time I’d ever done this) and I found out he had been cheating on me with a girl from his work. A girl I had known longer than he had, she had met my kids through spending time with me. This ended our relationship. 4 weeks after this they become official. They moved in together in August just gone. During this time we have been sleeping together (wrong - I know) and he has told me he made a mistake, he misses me etc and I just completely brushed it off until maybe June and I thought okay maybe we could try again? It’s clear now that isn’t going to happen.
I just feel heartbroken, I envy the fact she is getting what I wanted from him. Days out, trips away, time together. I don’t know why I wasn’t enough for him? I can’t shift this horrid feeling of wondering if he’s doing better for her.