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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Am I crazy or could this be something?

10 replies

HopefulBeliever · 02/10/2025 19:16

This isn’t really AIBU but Am I Being Crazy/Irrational…

Please be gentle if you can - I am so confused right now.

I am currently going through a lot of stress, in particular waiting on the outcome of some tests to see whether I have cancer or not. I don’t know if the stress and anxiety I am feeling is causing me to misjudge a situation and would appreciate any opinions.

I think I have a massive crush on someone. But do I?

He comes into my work but isn’t employed by us. I don’t work directly with him but occasionally he will assist with something I am doing. Then I might not see him for ages as he’s elsewhere in the building doing something else with another team.

However, these last couple of months things seem slightly different. But here’s where I might be reading things wrong. I have seen him on all occasions he has been in - sometimes legitimately, other times he has been to see me to check if ‘x’ is still ok or ‘y’ is still functional. But then we end up digressing into all sorts of subjects. Like we know we each own our own houses, approximately where we live (near each other but no where near work) and random other stuff like hobbies and even why we both like certain things, etc. We can both be flexible when we take our breaks so I need to stress this time is usually around lunch and therefore our own time.

He is so very easy to talk to and we laugh a lot. I have found myself these last couple of months really looking forward to seeing him. He is 8 years younger than me though but it really doesn’t feel like it (I’m mid/late 40s).

My dating history is a disaster. Two serious relationships in which I was cheated on in both. I tried online dating and was lied to by potential matches and gave that up fairly quickly. I find it really hard to trust people and don’t fall for anyone easily.

I am so confused. I genuinely don’t know if he is just being a nice guy and it’s all in my head. I wonder if I am seeking some sort of comfort because of this time of horrible stress, and he is who my brain has latched onto. I have had all sorts of weird dreams and honestly, if he asked me for a drink I would say yes in a heartbeat. But is this all in my head and am I just crazy?

Please, please be gentle.

OP posts:
londongirl12 · 02/10/2025 19:22

Have you asked about each others family? He might have a wife and just being friendly?

TheendofmrY · 02/10/2025 19:23

Ask him out! Sounds like he’s finding reasons to come and chat. It sounds like you’re single and if he says no you don’t need to see him all the time so why not?

HopefulBeliever · 02/10/2025 19:25

I am pretty certain we are both single. I can’t be completely sure. I don’t know how to find out so I’m 100% certain. It’s always ‘I’, ‘me’ or ‘my’. Like “When I bought my house…”

OP posts:
ComfortFoodCafe · 02/10/2025 19:31

you need to find out if hes single first. He might just be being friendly.

HopefulBeliever · 02/10/2025 19:36

ComfortFoodCafe · 02/10/2025 19:31

you need to find out if hes single first. He might just be being friendly.

How do you bring that up without asking other people who will want to know why I’m asking? I don’t know where to start.

OP posts:
HopefulBeliever · 02/10/2025 19:44

And is there any point if this is all in my head?

OP posts:
wrongthinker · 02/10/2025 19:55

Ask him if he's married or has a partner. It's honestly that simple.

If he's single and interested, it might be enough to encourage him to flirt a bit, or reveal his interest.

But I would be a little bit cautious whenever you have strong feelings/a massive crush on someone you don't really know. You could be projecting a lot of qualities on him that he doesn't actually have. He may sense your vulnerability and lead you on. Just be careful with your heart as you are a little bit vulnerable right now. Good luck with the tests and I hope it's a good outcome for you.

JoMumsnet · 04/10/2025 19:22

We're moving this thread to our Relationships topic for the OP and giving it a bump to get it back into Active conversations.

londongirl12 · 04/10/2025 19:47

HopefulBeliever · 02/10/2025 19:36

How do you bring that up without asking other people who will want to know why I’m asking? I don’t know where to start.

You just try and drop it into conversation…
”I’m going on holiday to xxx” - “ah that’s nice, you going with a partner?”

“when I bought my house…” - “do you live alone?”

just little probing questions and you should easily be able to find out. Be brave and ask! 😃

RavenFinch · 04/10/2025 21:55

HopefulBeliever · 02/10/2025 19:44

And is there any point if this is all in my head?

It's not all in your head. The flirty banter / friendly convis with this man did happen.

You just need to establish with him next time you see him what his status is. (ie is he dating someone / seeing someone) ..... even if everything he has talked about so far is "I" and "me" and how "he" bought a house ..... he could be currently dating someone _ have a medium long-term girlfriend.

However bring a soppy romantic myself, I'm hoping that is not the case and that next time you speak to him, you manage to ask the right questions which will lead this to progressing further. 🥰😍🥰

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