Don’t know what to do

[Bobbybobbins]

I work with my BIL in the same team and we get on well- it was through him I met my DH. The past 9 months or so my BIL has become very close to a newish female member of the team. She is 15 years younger than us. She is married as is my BIL (I get on well with my SIL).

At first I didn’t really think anything of it- they have shared interests in music etc and both married. But two other members of my team have expressed to me that they are concerned about the relationship becoming more than a friendship. Since then I have kept my eyes open a bit more and there are little glances, time spent alone in a room together etc. Nothing major though. Before my BIL met his wife, I saw him ‘in action’ developing a relationship with a couple of previous girlfriends so I know his style and it does worry me.

Do I speak to my BIL about the fact people are bringing this up to me? It’s making me upset and uncomfortable. Or do I leave it given I have no concrete examples?

My DH has offered to speak to his brother but would it be better coming from me directly?

Yes, I would tell him colleagues are commenting and you are feeling uncomfortable. Just be honest.

Definitely tell him, I really hope that's the end of it.

Thank you both, I am leaning towards telling him but I know it will be ultra awkward afterwards. What is really making me uncomfortable is that he kind of lights up when he is around her.

Just be breezy about it, as though people are bound to gossip about it, as people do, any hint of a scandal and all that. That should lessen the awkwardness. It would be more awkward but probably more useful to have that conversation when you’re all together and your SIL can hear because if something is going on, having a private word will just alert him to be more discreet

depending on size of company, I would think hard before saying anything. Could your job be effected? Could his?

@UpDownAllAround1 we both work in a school. No difference in seniority between them. Don’t think it would affect job - don’t think our very new manager has noticed anything and not intending to discuss with her.

Thought about this thread this week for some reason! If anyone who helpfully posted sees an update - I ended up not saying anything. A few weeks ago they announced they are leaving their spouses and moving in together. So now pretty awful at work. Not sure saying anything would have changed the outcome.

Think I would play dumb if anyone in the family asks if you had noticed anything. You do not want anyone blaming you. They are the ones at fault. Crap behaviour

My DH knows about my suspicions as talked to him about it throughout but not sharing with the wider family. Though my SIL suspected and had challenged him on it several times, for him just to carry on.

Good grief!

Interested why you didn’t say anything in the end? Did you think it had blown over?

@DoctorMartin
We went back and forwards on it several times. In the end another colleague of ours challenged him on it and it was all denied. I had no direct evidence. And also felt if there was something going on that he needed to be the one to tell his wife. It was hard to say if there was anything going on - clearly there was though.