Don’t know what to do

[Bobbybobbins]

I work with my BIL in the same team and we get on well- it was through him I met my DH. The past 9 months or so my BIL has become very close to a newish female member of the team. She is 15 years younger than us. She is married as is my BIL (I get on well with my SIL).

At first I didn’t really think anything of it- they have shared interests in music etc and both married. But two other members of my team have expressed to me that they are concerned about the relationship becoming more than a friendship. Since then I have kept my eyes open a bit more and there are little glances, time spent alone in a room together etc. Nothing major though. Before my BIL met his wife, I saw him ‘in action’ developing a relationship with a couple of previous girlfriends so I know his style and it does worry me.

Do I speak to my BIL about the fact people are bringing this up to me? It’s making me upset and uncomfortable. Or do I leave it given I have no concrete examples?

My DH has offered to speak to his brother but would it be better coming from me directly?

Yes, I would tell him colleagues are commenting and you are feeling uncomfortable. Just be honest.

Definitely tell him, I really hope that's the end of it.

Thank you both, I am leaning towards telling him but I know it will be ultra awkward afterwards. What is really making me uncomfortable is that he kind of lights up when he is around her.

Just be breezy about it, as though people are bound to gossip about it, as people do, any hint of a scandal and all that. That should lessen the awkwardness. It would be more awkward but probably more useful to have that conversation when you’re all together and your SIL can hear because if something is going on, having a private word will just alert him to be more discreet

depending on size of company, I would think hard before saying anything. Could your job be effected? Could his?

@UpDownAllAround1 we both work in a school. No difference in seniority between them. Don’t think it would affect job - don’t think our very new manager has noticed anything and not intending to discuss with her.