I don’t know if he can ever give you an acceptable answer to this though, even if you did confront him and ask. What scenario can he give that would be acceptable?
- oh I’m just nosy, she just pops in my head every now and then (almost every day actually) and I want to see what she is up to
- oh no definitely no feelings there, I actually don’t like her so it’s more me checking and hoping to gleam from her fb page that her life is going badly 🤣 but I do like to check that daily!
- I’ve never gotten over her, still so attracted to her, I know I’m married with children and we’ve been together over 7 years but I think of her daily and still really fancy her but given I am married with kids the only way I can get my fix is by looking at photos of her
?!
There are a million other versions of answers he could give, but they all sound pretty sad and grim, and I don’t think there is one single answer he could give to explain him looking at photos / updates of another woman every day or even every other day that wouldn’t just make you feel really sad.
And I don’t think he will be able to honest with you if you do ask him.
How long were they together before you met him? Is it someone he has spoken about in the past as a great love of his life?
I think it definitely signals that she is on his mind daily, I don’t know how he could argue otherwise given he checks her account so frequently. So I suppose it’s down to you and whether you’re happy to know that in yourself, and to accept that from him. If you aren’t happy to accept that, even if you ask him to ‘stop looking at her page please’ it doesn’t really fix the problem - you can’t prevent him from thinking about her and still having feelings for her. So then it’s a much bigger question of do you feel comfortable knowing your husband likely still has feelings for someone else after this long? Is that something you would walk away over?
Even if he doesn’t have feelings for her and he insists this is pure intrigue / being nosy, what kind of compulsion drives him to that every day or every other day when he has a wife and kids? That can’t be good either.
finally I suppose it’s a question of how likely
is it that this checking of her fb page will escalate to something else. Does he have her number? Do they ever run in the same circles? If he bumped into her one day, would you trust that it wouldn’t cross a line or escalate what is already clearly a bit of an infatuation on his part?
only you can really answer all this, so it might be worth working this through with a therapist.
But I’m sorry that you have found yourself here, I think I feel really sad that you must feel very insecure that someone else is so on his mind. Being a mum and a wife and juggling life and work is hard enough, go easy on yourself with this - it’s nothing you have done / not done enough. It’s only him that can be honest with what is going on here. X