I'm worried my partners behaviour is not good

[TNmumof3]

Hello
So I'm going to try and keep this simple and quick as there's years of things happening
So basically me and my partner have been together for a few years and have got children together, the start of our relationship I fawned over him ... Badly ... I chased him till we got together and for the first few years it was me who did all the romantic things I absolutely love him and still do
But after our second child I saw abit of a different side or I started to wake up , we argued constantly and during ppd I had no support from him emotionally, he's good round the house and does help to keep on top of cleaning and does the maintenance side of things
Over the years he has said things to me and when I get upset he says he's joking or he didn't mean it like that ... Regardless of how I'm feeling .... The other day we had a discussion about work and he said he felt like I can work and he can't even tho we both do the same hours and he earns more than me ... He then swore blind he never said that and I left the room crying thinking I was going crazy .... My head was spinning.... I cook dinner and clean so when he comes home there's not much for him to do when I go to work ... He was driving to pick our car up and I asked if it's possible for him to get some shopping ( he has hands free) I don't have much money otherwise I would have gone , I was in the middle of cooking dinner , cleaning , looking after our youngest and had just come back from working in the morning, he said are you busy ?
I was so upset I would never say that and I would say of course I will get the shopping
I feel so unhappy he's said and done many similar things over the years and it's getting to the point it's really affecting my mental health and happiness
Leaving him is not an option I love him too much and plus we have 3 beautiful children, am I just overthinking and being oversensitive and taking it all the wrong way ? I'm so confused and don't know if it's me that's the problem
Thankyou for all your advice and messedges xx

I also was meant to mention that there are times he will deliberately say things to get a reaction out of me and he has said this , I'm not a perfect partner far from it there are times I moan about things and I could show him more love I know I could I just can't forget or forgive all the times he's made me feel worthless and unhappy

It sounds like a very one sided relationship OP.
He makes you feel worthless and unhappy.
Probably your self esteem and self confidence would be vastly improved if you did end this relationship because he doesn't sound like a loving and supportive partner.

Do you think he is a covert narcacist

@Merseymum1980
There is much more recognition of the different forms that narcissism can take these days. For example the type that manifests as defensive, anxious and hypersensitive to criticism. There are a lot of posters on here that I suspect have that kind of narcissism. They are also focused on themselves to an unhealthy degree. So many people on MN are constantly focusing on their own emotions. It is just as much narcissistic behaviour as loud, confident narcissism

The research is from Dr Sarah Walker Durham University.
theconversation.com/what-weve-learned-about-narcissism-over-the-past-30-years-258505

It is really irritating when so many people misuse the term narcissist.

He says things on purpose to deliberately upset you, and then says he was 'joking'. I expect he also says that you are too sensitive and can't take a joke. That is abuse.

He totally denies something you know he said, making you feel like you are going crazy. I expect he also tells you that you are being ridiculous and making it all up. He is gaslighting you and that is also abuse.

You say you don't have much money and asked him to shop - he didn't want to. He earns more than you but you don't have access to that money. That is financial abuse.

You are not the problem. He is abusive. He is the problem.

Do you feel i misused the term?
I didn't say it sounds like he has it, i asked if there is a possibility?
I couldn't fully understand op post but that was a kinda thing I felt from it

You only get one life. Dont spend it in a shit relationship