I've been a frequent lurker on this website for the past few months and have been continually heartened by the generosity and warmth offered between strangers, hence why I'm writing here, hoping for some advice.
I've very recently come out (for the second time) a difficult relationship of 3 years. The relationship began to break down whilst we lived together (which lasted only 7 months), the incidents/arguments which had occurred only infrequently became a near-daily occurrence. In the past there had been a handful of instances where he would speak to me and treat in a way that I don't believe should ever happen in a relationship: he would tell me I'm such a "child", call me names, 'bitch' 'c*nt' etc. There had been multiple instances too where he had just walked off in public, after shouting at me. I am quite a sensitive and emotional person, which I think exacerbated the problems between us. I distinctly remember being quite low mood one day after a very bad week and work, I told him this at the time but we were seeing a play that evening. My low mood/low energy caused him to feel frustrated, becoming quite short/snappy with me. I became upset which then led to a full blown argument where he eventually stormed off, leaving me in central London in tears.
Living together was nightmareish. For context, he bought a house in a quiet town, not far from London (his job is there). It was a cheap place to live, thankfully, as I am a PhD student and can't afford to live in London currently. I decided I would study remotely for my first year and move up to my university city for year 2 and 3. The problems were almost immediate; they mostly revolved around cleaning/being tidy to begin with. I can be a little messy at times but I apologised for this and made every effort to be more vigilant/attentive to the space we were living in. However, this began to feel nitpicky and unfair: he once gave me the silent treatment all day after sending me a nasty text about leaving the cardboard of the toilet roll in the bathroom instead of putting it in the bin (I hadn't noticed); or getting angry with me for allowing a bobby pin to remain on the floor. I helped him deep clean the house every saturday morning.
Issues then turned to my PhD and decision to pursue a career in academia: it meant I was unreliable, not driven, and too idealistic a person to build a life with. He was very unsupportive of me, telling me that I will never achieve what I've set out to achieve. These issues persisted. Silent treatment was constant, slamming doors, name calling, intimacy stopped (I was apparently to blame: I wasn't attractive as a result of my career choices): the list rolls on.
Things came to a head early this year where an argument about whether or not I (brace yourself, it's ludicrous) swirled diet coke around my mouth or not cuminated in being screamed at to 'get out of his fcking house', as he refused 'to live with a fcking liar'. My mum picked me up the next day, I ended up moving to my university city and I've been there since.
Surprisingly, we stayed together and tried long distance. I was putting in all the effort, he barely spoke to me, told me it was a chore to call/text and that, no, he didn't miss me at all. We had a few trips to see each other during this time, but they weren't very pleasant on the whole. We broke up for the first time in June and went no contact (I respected this but he reached out a good number of times asking to talk).
I ended up seeing him in Late August in London. We ended up sleeping together. He decided that he would like to start over, and I trusted him. I thought he had made huge changes: he was actively calling me! and texting me! being kind! apologising when he had done wrong! This lasted all of two and a half weeks until he decided he felt too disconnected from me now (he stopped putting in effort) and that I wasn't worth it. We broke up again.
I am left feeling crushed by this. I have never felt so unworthy of love, care and respect. I'm 27 and worried about how long it will take me to move past this and start dating again (slightly concerned that I'm getting too old now). Any advice would be so appreciated