Oldest son is breaking my heart

[Spidee]

We are in this horrible 'in between' stage. My husband is an absolute prick. He doesnt' care about me, or love me. He barely acknowledges me. Unless to ask me why i haven't done this or that.

I have finally found the strength to say I want a divorce and he is furious. And now is pretending it's not happening. And to be honest, we just seem to have sunk into weeks of not talking about it.

I went away for a couple of days to my parents. Nothing dramatic. Just a couple of nights away and H looked after DC at home.

When I came back, my 6 year old (sensitive, quiet, struggles with change) had spent his time making me things - little bits of paper with random words, sticky hearts, stars. He has been stuck to me since 5am since I've been home. He didn't want to go to school in case I left again.

How can i move this to a permanent thing? 5050? How can i do it to him? He needs me. DH isn't a risk to anyone, but he is unloving and disengaged with the entire world, including his own kids. But he will want 5050. He's a teacher (a terrible teacher) and he will argue he should have them for most of the holidays. My heart is breaking at the thought of it.

Was there a reason you did not take your son also to your parents?. This was very unsettling for him as you are now seeing and you need to talk to your son.

His home is not the sanctuary it should be either. He’s seeing his parents row and his mother leaving for her parents without him.

What do you want to teach your kids about relationships and what are they learning here?.

Do you think that such a man would actually want 50/50?. Some abusive men go on about this as a way to avoid paying maintenance. He will most likely farm his kids onto his parents.

If you want a divorce then get legal advice and start divorce proceedings. Knowledge here is power. Show your husband how serious you are. Being in this no man’s land as you currently at home are helps no one least of all your child.

I suggest in the very near future you go to your parents again, taking him with you. The sooner the better, so he knows you aren't deserting him.

If that was the first time you've gone away without him, he's unsettled. And who knows what his dad is saying to him whilst you're gone.

From now on I'd make sure not to leave him again until at least the divorce is done and dusted. And then when (if) his dad really wants 5050 then it will be him coming and taking your son away, and not you deserting him. Psychologically very different.