Feels like he is very intense and trying to be the perfect boyfriend too early on?

[Bluejeansrose78]

I’ve recently been seeing this guy (his 27, i’m 30) we’ve been on 3 dates so far and its going well. On our first date he was really open and said his last relationship was several years they got engaged, and she got pregnant but she sadly lost the baby at 12 weeks. He said towards the end of the relationship, he felt like she didnt need him any more, and that she started going to the gym and he thinks she got a ego/or got attention from people at the gym as she pulled away and eventually left him with no real reason apparently

He said that for him he really wants kids a marriage etc which i do as well

However there are a few minor things that have raised amber flags and i’m not sure if i am overthinking

1. he said a red flag for him in his ex was that she was hyper independent and that he likes being the man of the house almost in relationships etc he said he likes independent woman but also likes feeling needed. Im very independent and when i said that to him is when he said he likes to feel needed
2. he mentioned going for a weekend away soon (on our 3rd date) which i said was a bit soon and maybe to wait a while
3. he asked me if i told my friends about him to which i said i had, he said he had told his friends and they said they liked we were taking it slow (we’ve been on 3 dates and only kissed we havent slept together), but he hadnt told them everything as it was there none of their business and he likes to keep relationship stuff private. I kinda got a weird controlling vibe, as he did kinda of backtrack after i said i thought it was a good thing to talk to friends about some relationship stuff to have that outlet
4. he wants to give me a jumper after 3 dates and keeps talking about how in the summer we will go out on his fams boat

He is lovely and sweet and plans dates and stuff so im jot sure why i feel like its too much or going to fast

He said he normally jumps really fast into relationships and this is his first time going at a slower pace, but i think we are going at a normal pace

I'm sure you'll get plenty of people coming along saying he sounds controlling / love bombing etc but I think you're just on different pages. He wants to jump into a relationship, make plans etc whereas you are more hesitant which is fine but probably isn't going to work here...

Me and DH jumped head first into our relationship (had our first date, said "I love you" and moved in together within 3 months 😆) but we both just knew we wanted to be together and neither of us were interested in playing game. If it's right then it's right. But this doesn't sound like it is. Especially with him saying he likes to essentially be the "alpha" male with you being as independent as you are...

Your point 1 and "he felt like she didnt need him any more, and that she started going to the gym and he thinks she got a ego/or got attention from people at the gym" both gave me the heebeegeebees.

He wanted all her attention and he will want that from you.

I’d have been out at point 1.

I feel this could turn into a very big red flag .

like he’s testing your boundaries to see how far he can control and might start gaslighting you .

I would run …

he said a red flag for him in his ex was that she was hyper independent and that he likes being the man of the house almost in relationships etc he said he likes independent woman but also likes feeling needed.

Nope nope nope nope nope.
Not a chance in hell.

Point 1 is enough to have me running for the heels

I do get controlling love bombing vibes but regardless he’s not the right man for you.

Don't waste any more time on him

Yes OP that would give me the ick as well, as someone who is still hyper independent and certainly was in my twenties. Never had a man say these things to me to be honest when I was dating, I would have run a mile.

This. I don’t ‘need’ a man, and I certainly don’t ‘need’ someone I’ve met a couple of times to flood me with his anxieties about his masculinity. If someone told me he liked to feel like the ‘man of the house’, I’d have laughed in his face and asked whether he was trying to assess women for vulnerability.

Man of the house? He needs to fuck off.

I'm afraid I agree with most people. Point 1 would be a deal breaker for me too.

I think 'want' is more important than 'need' anyway. I don't 'need' my husband, per se, but I do WANT him. Want him around and want to spend time with him and want to tell him things. And he feels the same about me.

I think that's a much more sustainable feeling than 'need'

Need becomes neediness and that is never attractive.

Just reading this made my skin crawl 😳 he likes to be needed and wants to be the man of the house? To me it sounds like someone who is controlling in a relationship and calls it caring about you - for example wanting to know where you are all the time, who you're with, when you'll be home etc.

OP if you are already feeling unease after 3 dates, please trust your gut instinct. This guy is not for you!

At best he sounds insecure. I don't think you are in any way compatible. He wants someone who is happy to be barefoot and pregnant, stay at home and service his every need whilst massaging his ego. That's not you is it? Unless you are secretly hankering for a tradwife life?