Me and partner have been together for best part of a year. Known for much longer. Currently live a few hours away from each other so see each other every few weeks. I’m considering ending the relationship.
For context, I have a difficult relationship with LOs father. My ex perpetrated a history of DV, coercive control, I have had to contact police etc about his behaviour, basically it’s been very stressful and we’re on the precipice of family court proceedings. New partner doesn’t ask about it, doesn’t appear invested in how I am (I had a stress seizure and was pretty ill for a week, told him but he didn’t seem to register it). The other day he in a round about way said he couldn’t handle my ex being in the picture and I needed to get him out the way if we were going to be a thing long term. This backtracks on everything he’s said previously- that he loves me, wants us to be a family, wants to move in together… I get it’s a difficult situation but he was aware of this before we got together, I’ve always been upfront and I’ve never tried to make it his problem. It felt very much like he CBA which would be fine as I’ve given him ample opportunity to say it’s too much for him, but he’s making out I’m super needy and I’m far from that. I don’t cry or rant or even ask for practical support from new partner, but he’s acting like it’s been this huge imposition for him even though he’s had to do zero even in an emotional support way.
Partner recently stayed at my mine for two weeks- he didn’t lift a finger to help in the flat, never cooked/cleaned, he paid for a meal out in which he had a tantrum about me not being sensitive to his needs and made a bit of a scene if I’m honest… I was embarrassed at his over reaction considering his complete lack of empathy for my situation and the fact I’ve been going through hell with my ex. He left when he was paid by his job, and the morning of his leaving he had a package arrive with lots of bits he’s bought for himself. I was very miffed. He left so much mess and clothes for me to wash, I got a thanks when he left and a ‘love ya’ but I just feel quite used.
Since partners leaving I haven’t responded to his messages and I’m starting to think he’s actually pretty manipulative. He says all the ‘right things’ but actions speak louder than words. He has money, a good job, and owns his own place- I am a single mum, with very little familial support, dealing with mediation etc and truthfully it’s been very hard but I have not put this upon him. I don’t think he’s abusive, but I do think he might be a dickhead and taking advantage of me. He always lets me pay, promises to take me out etc and then never does, is vague and non-comittal or hot and cold, and only seems to pay for things when they’re cheap or in front of other people. Perspectives please?