Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Birthday blues...

7 replies

QuaintSquid · 30/09/2025 13:57

Two years ago, I had probably the worst birthday of my life. My wife got me nothing. Not even a card. She asked what I wanted for breakfast, and when I asked for pancakes she told me I'd have to make them myself because she 'didn't know how'. Then she told me she'd booked onto a distillery tour, but only because we got a voucher for a free tour in a gift bag. I also had to drive to it because she didn't drive (a source of much frustration in itself) so she drank all the free samples and then bought me a novelty glass in the gift shop. We did finally go out for dinner at the place I suggested on the day, nothing was booked ahead of time, and she saw off another couple of pints knowing I'd be driving home. I was so upset and embarrassed by the whole thing but I was deep in the trenches of seasonal depression that I just wanted to get it over with. I felt so low and unloved.

Last year she asked what I wanted for my birthday the evening before, and when I said I just want something that showed she'd thought of me, she rolled her eyes and said 'euuurggh that's so much pressure'. I remember having a big cry in the car because I was so anxious of a repeat of the previous year. Luckily she did come through with something, a nice weekend away, although I suspect it was booked the night before because she was up late.

And so here we are again. It's my birthday tomorrow. She asked me last night what I wanted, despite me consciously giving dozens of suggestions of simple things in the last few weeks, leaving tabs open of things on the computer, lists of books etc on the coffee table. I didn't even reply because she was obviously just going to quickly Prime something. I was also away all day on Sunday. She had all day to go out and get me something, anything, but she obviously didn't.

I'm just so sick and tired of feeling like an afterthought. I feel sick with anxiety waiting for my birthday knowing that if I get anything at all, it'll have been cobbled together at the last second.

I don't even want much. It's the principle. I just want to be remembered and considered. Like a couple of my favourite treats, maybe the new book by that author I like, or a framed photo. Something that shows that the person that is supposed to know me best and love me the most, gave me more than a moments right

I don't know what I want from this post. It's just a moan really. I'm always so thoroughly depressed and let down on my birthday. I just don't know what to do... Apart from lower my expectations to the floor I guess and order myself some flowers.

OP posts:
WatchingTheDetective · 30/09/2025 13:58

Why are you still with this thoughtless and selfish woman?

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 30/09/2025 13:59

You don't want to be an afterthought, and yet 3 years later you're still with the person who treats you like an afterthought.

Presumably that means this is a specific birthday issue with her, and she's not treating you like crap the rest of the time as well?

fedup078 · 30/09/2025 14:10

I’d match her effort when it’s her birthday etc from now on too

FeistyFrankie · 30/09/2025 14:11

OP your partner sounds awful. Have you considered leaving and meeting someone who enjoys valuing you, doing nice things for you, who cares about whether or not you are happy?

You get one life. Don't waste it on selfish people.

DurinsBane · 30/09/2025 14:51

Are you a man? I would say it is fairly common for wives to not get much or do much for husband’s birthdays. I’m not criticising the wives, just saying I don’t think it is rare

CaffeinatedSeagull · 30/09/2025 15:13

fedup078 · 30/09/2025 14:10

I’d match her effort when it’s her birthday etc from now on too

My partners exactly the same (she’s like this with her parents too) and I pretended we had got her nothing on Mother’s Day (our child is too young to buy / choose presents).

She came downstairs expecting to see presents, found none and not even a card was out for her and she absolutely lost it.

Started screaming at me and then started hitting me in front of our 1 year old (who I was feeding breakfast to at the time). I didn’t retaliate, told her to stop calmly and she eventually did, and then she went out to met her parents (as planned).

Whilst she was out, I cooked everyone the really nice lunch I had planned and put all the presents I had got on the table ready for her and her parents arrival.

Sometimes I wish I hadn’t,

perfectcolourfound · 30/09/2025 15:23

DurinsBane · 30/09/2025 14:51

Are you a man? I would say it is fairly common for wives to not get much or do much for husband’s birthdays. I’m not criticising the wives, just saying I don’t think it is rare

This isn't my experience at all. I don't think it's a man / woman thing. I think in a relationship you need to match each others' energy / thought, or else someone feels neglected / taken for granted.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page