Three strikes and I tell her?

[trogtrogtrog]

I went on a few dates with someone earlier this year but broke it off after various bits of evidence pointed to him not actually being single.

I didn't message his girlfriend at the time to tell her he'd cheated because, honestly, I kind of just didn't want to get involved. I figured I'd let sleeping dogs lie and let karma take care of him.

However, he's messaged me twice in the two months since we stopped talking. I shut him down and he goes away again. We didn't know each other before we went on dates and I have made zero attempt to contact him since we stopped talking, so he has absolutely no reason to message me except for attention/to see if I'm still interested.

I feel bad for his girlfriend. They've been together years and live together, so it's a serious relationship. But he's actively cheated on her and is messaging other girls (I'm pretty confident I'm not the only one).

I feel like if he messages again, I want to tell her. Three strikes and he's out. I don't know her, but I feel like she has a right to know what he's doing. If it were me, I'd want to know.

Would you message her of just leave it?

I would block him and not say anything personally. Unless you know her personally.

I would message him and say ‘I understand you have a girlfriend so I would advise you to text them instead of me from now on, I don’t want to hear from you again. thanks’

I might be inclined to tell him I know and that I know who she is, am minded to contact her, but PP is right, block and forget.

I would just block and not give him chance to contact you again personally.

I wouldn't get involved in the relationship drama of someone I’ve met a handful of times

Personally I think you should tell her.
If you have the evidence of his messages and your replies shutting him down then I would tell her and be prepared to show her the evidence.
It's up to her if she believes you.
But don't get involved other than telling her.

I’d tell her , he’s not going to admit it to you openly.

Do you know her and can you contact her ?

Yes, this is the best course of action. It's what I'd do. Wanker. "How does Anne feel about you contacting me?"

Block him and move on

If I was the GF I’d want to know.

I really don't understand that idea that no one should get involved. If it would be me I would like to know and would be grateful someone has told me.

I don't know her personally but I know her insta, so I could DM her on there.

This is my feeling. It's up to her if she believes me. It's up to her if she stays or goes. The course of action she takes doesn't make a jot of difference to me. I just feel like she should be fully aware of who she's sharing her life with.

If she wanted info, I'd give it. But I wouldn't be at all interested in getting involved in any kind of confrontation or set up or anything like that.

You have to ask yourself, if you were living with a man who was actively and continuously cheating on you, would you want to know?

I sure as hell would and especially before I made the mistake of a bigger commitment like getting married or having a child.

Same. I'd be grateful to someone who came to me with receipts to stop me wasting my time in a relationship where my significant other clearly doesn't respect me.

I would tell her. I read so many posts here from women who say that something is up with their partner but he is gaslighting them to think that everything is normal. I think the mental damage and anxiety that these men cause by lying is often worse than the act of being unfaithful. So I would tell her and send screenshots.

It's been demonstrated here in the past that some women know already but prefer to turn a blind eye and don't want to be confronted with the truth.

I agree I'd want to know. But if it was my DP I think I'd know if he had been on "several dates" with other women. Where on earth did she think he was? He must've lied to her, and I'd know if my DP was lying to me, I hope. .