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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What happens next

13 replies

Bezi · 03/06/2008 15:10

Me and dp have been having problems for ages my main probs with him are 1. dosnt come home from nights out 2. sends and receives v flirty texts to/from girls at work,
His probs with me are that 1. I dont trust him and read through his phone 2. he says I'm always moody.
Anyway this all came to a blow and he left about 10 days ago, we've seen each other most days since due to ds who is 14 months, we're being nice to each other but I just dont know where we're going to go from here. Has anyone experienced similar problems is it possible to work things out?

OP posts:
OverMyDeadBody · 03/06/2008 15:14

Do you want to work things out? Does he want to work things out?

girlnextdoor · 03/06/2008 15:15

Have you thought of counselling?

Have you tackled the issues head on with him?

Where IS he when he doesn't come home?

WHO are the girls he texts? Do they know he is with you?
Are you moody cos of his behaviour?

Sorry, but he sounds a complete waste of space and you seem to be putting up with it. Is he worth putting in the effort to try to make it work? Do you love him- and does he love you?

Original poster
Bezi · 03/06/2008 15:18

Yes I want to work things out, but I'm not sure about him, I think he does. The thing is I have alot of trust issues and before he left he told me he had been seriously considering having sex with other girls.

OP posts:
girlnextdoor · 03/06/2008 15:19

[hmm[ what a nice thing to tell you!

What kind of issues- do YOU need to go to counselling on your own? Is that his way of helping you sort things out?

Sounds like you'd be better off without him, imo.

girlnextdoor · 03/06/2008 15:21

did you have trust issues before him, or is your lack of trust due to his looking elsewhere? he still sounds unpleasant to me.

Original poster
Bezi · 03/06/2008 15:22

Theres no way he would go to counselling, Its mainly 1 girl he works with he texts the last message I read from her said 'What happened to you needing time, you were obviously stringing me along, I wish today never happened' When I asked him what that meant he said he didnt no it was just a joke!

OP posts:
Hassled · 03/06/2008 15:24

Of course you're moody and have trust issues - I'd be moody too if my DP spent whole nights "out" and texted random women in a flirty way. He sounds like a right git to me and if he hasn't broken your heart yet then it's probably only a matter of time. Sorry to be so harsh, but think how you'd react if it were a friend telling you this. Try to stand outside it and look at it objectively - easier said than done, I know.

Original poster
Bezi · 03/06/2008 15:26

I only started not trusting him when he started not coming home and its got worse each time he's done it. He dosnt understand why I dont trust him though

OP posts:
bubblagirl · 03/06/2008 15:26

i dont think personally he is helping with trust issues i to would worry with his behaviour and to tell you he was thinking of sleeping with other girls would not be a thing to say to help

he is feulling your insecurities

without wanting to sound mean i was with someone who did this leaves you hanging on his words feulling insecurites blaming your behaviour and not taking responsibilities of there own

if he doesnt make you happy and you are not ahppy as acouple then for your own self worth you need time alone to make yourself better to gain confidence and self respect

you may then realise that his behaviour is his own doing not yours and relationships only work if its a two way thing if his efforts are not there take time apart and put your efforts on you and your son

i think you would realise you could do better

it is no scarier or lonlier than how you feel now so cant be used as any exscuses in fact i felt happier without the worrying and insecurities i am now settled with a great man who treats me with respect

good luck

girlnextdoor · 03/06/2008 15:26

Just a joke- oh yes, the OW sounds as if she finds it funny and so do you.

He needs to be kicked into touch- waste of space.

Cappuccino · 03/06/2008 15:27

he doesn't understand why you don't trust him?

he is a knob, isn't he?

I mean poor you and everything

but I think you would be well rid

bubblagirl · 03/06/2008 15:29

to me the ytext would indicate his followed through with what he has told you

let him see his son remain as amicable as you can and be alone you cant be in a relationship with how you feel it doesnt work

pick yourself up go to baby groups meet other mums do more gain some control of your own life believe me it uis a happier place than allowing a man to dictate your actions trying to make things beeter allowing them to much of your time and efforts to have it wasted you can be using that to create a happier life for you and your son it has to be happier than it is sounding now

bubblagirl · 03/06/2008 15:30

sorry for typos ds is jumping all over me although im rubbish the best of times

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