Last Tuesday evening DH and I had a massive row with because I said as I was leaving the house to the gym get the dinner on for when I’m home and he got frustrated as I was explaining the time I finished my class (badly to be fair as I was talking out loud and working out the timings rather than just saying what time) my fault!! he got frustrated with me and so I just said it’s fine I can sort when I get home as I needed to leave - he then shouted at me don’t be a dick!! I didn’t think it was that big a deal and I came in and he was making dinner and I asked what a package was on the side I asked what’s this he said something I didn’t hear and repeated himself but was off hand I did say ok in a little way of that was a bit much but then he started shouting at me saying I was out of order earlier. We both raised our voices but I said I don’t understand why you’ve taken it to this extreme - he said it’s my fault and that there’s a name for people like me a narcissist. He told me to F off repeatedly whilst sticking 2 fingers up at me. I said it’s not on for him to react this way and blame me for his behaviour and there’s a name for that too gaslighting.
He stormed off ate his dinner elsewhere and I gave him space but he hasn’t been the same towards me since.
Friday we had some furniture delivered and he got on with building it most of the day, I asked did he want a hand multiple times and did he said no thanks. I offered tea he had a couple, Saturday I was making dinner and was about to cook steak asked did he mind if I used the smaller pan for mine and did his and sons I a larger one he initially said but the big pans rubbish, then he said ok but I said oh it’s ok I’ll do mine in air fryer he said don’t be a prick I said it’s ok! I said don’t call me that and it’s fine I’d prefer it. I said joking as I put the food out oh I’ve done myself out of chips he said take some off ours and I said it’s fine I’ll only eat them and was just having a joke to which he said he can’t tell that’s a joke and so I apologised he said I was gaslighting…
I decided to stay calm and be ok with things not rise and try and ride this out until he’s ready to talk rationally. He goes away with work tomorrow until Friday and is still being cold towards me and I can’t see the point I. Trying to raise a conversation about it now as it will just escalate again so I’m thinking I send him a message while he’s away saying I don’t want us to carry this tension. We both said things we shouldn’t, and I’d like us to use this time apart to reset so when you’re home we can move forward. I’d really like us to find a way to sort things out quicker, without name-calling or days of distance between us.
I don’t want to walk away from our marriage but if we can’t do this I might not have much choice. When we’re good we’re great but when these things happen they are long and drawn out and soul destroying. Not sure how else to try to resolve without massive conflict…