At a loss

[Peps2408]

Good evening, this is my first post on such a forum. I'm not even sure where to begin. Here goes. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years nearly 7, in the beginning it was easy, he worked, we would do things together. He moved into my house after about 1 year as he was in a caravan and it was making him ill especially during the colder weather and it made sense financially. Fast forward, he then got lazy, he won't help around the house, we don't do anything together, we basically live separate lives. He stays up all night on FB which means he doesn't get up for work. In the last 5 years he has probably had 6 jobs becuase he's always late or rings in sick when he is not. The last 6 months have been really difficult, he has been unemployed with no rush to find a job. Tells lies when asks or gets really defensive. He has 2 children, his 15 year old got kicked out and now lives with us. He got kicked out for stealing, not going to school, doing really poorly in school, not washing, talking back to his mum. So he never spoke to me about it, he just went off and got him and told me it was happening if I liked it or not. Now I've been partner the kids lives for the last 6 years but the partner won't let me say anything to them. If his 9 year old uses his fingers for tea them wipes them on my furniture, I can't say anything. They don't flush the loo, I can't say anything. His 15 year old has only been at school 8 days and already been late 3 times and got a detention. I can't say anything. I am a firm believer in kids getting an education and always have been. Boyfriend had a rocky relationship with his ex wife but now they talk every day. He would rather go and speak to other people than communicate anything with me. I was in hospital with a collapsed lung and I got a taxi home from hospital becuase he was at the pub. He avoids all conversations that are difficult. He acts like they never happened. He has zero respect for me and I am now starting to see that he has been using me as a walking ATM. I don't give it to him, he uses emotional blackmail and how he needs fuel for his car to get the other son etc. I told him on Saturday that I was done with the bull shit, done with being treat like shit, being blamed for everything and that I would rather be single. I told him I was don't with being blamed for everything. He walked back in from being with his mates and has said absolutely nothing, acting like nothing happened. I'm struggling becuase I have never argued in front of the kids but I am so ready to blow my top and just tell him to get out. Am I being unreasonable, over reacting or being difficult? It's like walking on egg shells all the time in my own house.

OP, there are so many red flags in your post, starting with “He moved into my house after about 1 year as he was in a caravan” - so what exactly was he bringing to the party? On his side, it was win win - he got to live in a nice house and (red flag 2) with you doing all the chores as “he won't help around the house”. This is the point at which you should have kicked him out - but it gets worse - “we don't do anything together,” (red flag 3) - so what exactly are you getting out of this relationship? As if this isn’t enough on its own (more red flags) “In the last 5 years he has probably had 6 jobs” which he’s lost due to unreliability, lying about being sick and being late (another three red flags). He’s now been out of work for six months and is an habitual liar - is this really a man you want to share your life with? I can tell you (from bitter experience) he won’t get any better - losing jobs, lying, staying up all night and not being able to be on time are habits with him. As if this isn’t enough, he has two feckless children who, it seems he is bringing up in his own image; he left you to manage on your own when you came out of hospital, and he seems to have more of a relationship with his ex-wife than he has with you. OP, he needs to be gone. You absolutely need to kick out both him and his appalling and disrespectful offspring, and get on with your life without this drag on your time, money and emotions. You told him you were done with everything and he’s taken no notice - why would he, when he’s got things just as he wants them, up to and including being bankrolled to go to the pub with his mates? He needs to go, and if he won’t go voluntarily, then call the police. I feel sorry for his kids, but they haven’t exactly treated you or your home with any respect. But it’s beyond time they all left - and when they do, I think you will feel as though a huge weight has been lifted. His well being is absolutely NOT your responsibility - a partnership is just that: two people pulling together for mutual benefit. You don’t seem to be getting anything whatsoever out of this relationship - so end it once and for all.

You know exactly what you have to do. There is only one person that has any say in who you allow into your life and that person is you.

Not your problem.
Kick them out and be happy.

Because that's the thing to focus on

Tough love. Don’t mean to sound harsh but come on missus …..
Stop being pathetic.
Give him notice and get the locksmith in.

I echo what pp have said, give him notice and stand by it.
His life is not your responsibility. He is lying about benefits and he can’t be arsed to get or keep a job. He’s using you.
His kids sound a nightmare, but again they aren’t your responsibility, they have a Mum and Dad. If you kick them out, they can live with their Mum.

It sounds a horrible way to live OP, and you deserve much better.

Get rid asap

Op its a new day could be the start of a new life for you, so today you tell him , ' hay bob you and the kids need to be gone by Friday ' and walk away, no cooking cleaning for them, and definitely not money handed over,
You have so much to gain op

Claim your life and home back. They all have to go.

How did it go in the end?