I confronted by abusive ex

[StrawberryBluee]

I wish I hadn’t!

Recently separated due to emotional abuse. Ex and I are co-parenting and although it’s not been easy we have been trying to get along, we send each other photos of our children and text regularly.

He blames me completely for the separation, says there was no need to separate, says I have destroyed our family etc. He says I am untrustworthy as I planned to leave him in secret.

So yesterday I text him my exact reasons for leaving (he knows most of them) He has admitted to the name calling, putting down my parenting and using private stuff I would tell him as weapons in arguments. Yesterday I also listed a number of things he said to me 12 years ago when I had a newborn. These were threats of violence and one time a very serious threat about what he would do to me if I ever took his child away. I told him that is something that stayed with me.

He completely denied saying any of that, calls me a liar, accuses me of false accusations and how I’m out to ruin his reputation. He also stated that I’m now the type to make up lies about things he’s done to our children and if I do that it will backfire spectacularly.

I now wish I hadn’t said anything as it has only caused him to stop speaking to me and we were on okay terms for the children. I told him I am not a liar and I would gain nothing by making things up. He also said I’m exaggerating etc.

I wish I hadn’t dragged up the past now.

Oops - the title was meant to say I confronted my abusive ex

Oh well. What's done is done. He knows now that he can't convince you of anything, so he'll probably try to convince others around you that you're nuts, mental, making it up etc.

Yep! He would too. He had a psychotic ex when we first met, she was mentally unstable, a bunny boiler etc. Now that is me!

He doesn't like the sound of his own foul behaviour. Tough. Did you expect him to warmly thank you for pointing it out and saying he's a changed man? You know that's not true so he's just acting as you would expect.

Just forget it. So what if his poor little feelings are hurt. He has to talk to you about the children but he doesn't need to like you or be your friend. You don't want friends like that anyway.

Remember why he's your ex?

His reaction just proves I was right to leave. He hasn’t even asked after our child and how they are. Just radio silence.

I did the same with mine.
told him he raped me.
There was a glimmer of recognition, then, complete denial and said he didn’t remember.
he remembered too much from that night to have conveniently forgotten that.

it didn’t make it better for me either

Get a parenting app and block him everywhere else. Only communicate about child contact arrangements. Start a CMS claim.
Don't give shitty people the attention they crave. I understand wanting to tell the abuser what they did, but it will never result in an apology.

He knew what he was doing, and did it because he enjoyed it. The only way to deal with such lowlives is to completely disregard them.

I’m so sorry you went through that 💐

Exactly. He's a selfish git. Just forget him.

I also told my XH a few home truths which he denied.

He never did anything with or for the children, except when I was in hospital having their siblings, whereupon he would instantly get his parents round to 'help' (ie, do everything). On one occasion they weren't available and I was kept in for a couple of days. When I got home (to the house a tip and the kids running riot) he said to me 'Now I know how bad it is for you, I'll never again make out that you're making a fuss over nothing.'

Well, that lasted about a day and I reminded him of what he'd said and he denied any such thing. Staying at home with five under sevens was, apparently, a breeze.

Dont get sucked into justifying yourself! He puts you in the position where you end up justifying yourself and then he has the power. Just shut down the conversation, dont speak about the past and keep the matter related to day to day parenting. I have this firm boundary with my co-parent, i do not revisit the past. Of course, i know I had many reasons to leave him but i am not going to continually rehash this together.