How do I tell him?

[Francesca451]

Currently on a mini break with my bf of almost a year. He's wonderful and I'm lucky to have someone so kind, caring and respectful after fleeing an abusive and violent man previously.
We haven't yet had sex, I've been keen to take it slow and he's been very understanding of this. It's been almost a year together and I can define see it happening soon.
We were being intimate in the hotel earlier and he asked whether I'd like to do it during this trip, no pressure. I said I feel almost ready but would prefer to do it when we go to Scotland next month for a couple of days. He's OK with this but my question is how do I bring up the subject when we're actually there? I mean without it being awkward or sounding too planned?

You don't need to say anything. He'll definitely remember you said you wanted it in Scotland.

I think the risk you take in waiting so long is that it can seem too planned and a bit awkward, and it could end up an anticlimax. The very first time people sleep together might not be the best! But I guess if you've been 'intimate' before then you'll know a bit about eachother's bodies.

I don’t think you even need to say anything, just touch him in a certain area and he will get the message….I’m sure he won’t have forgotten what you said…..stop stressing about it

As a lot of PP said, I think you’re overthinking it. You don’t need to verbally say anything. I assume you were sexually active in your previous relationship also and so the same goes where you either encourage it to happen with that’s same prior behaviour or you don’t.

May I ask your reasoning behind choosing a date a month in the future? By naming the date, you’ve put a lot of pressure on both of you to ‘perform’.

There’s never a perfect moment and I’m worried that DTD had taken on a life of its own. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready but kicking the can down the street has its own issues. Have you spoken to a professional and do have support?

Honestly, I’d get straight onto it now. That’ll stop the build up from the encounter in Scotland. Best to get the first time out the way, then focus on finding out what both really like in Scotland
No pressure

You are over thinking OP, your partner has a lot of patience and has been very respectful of your wishes so when you are ready just let things happen naturally. Presumably you will be sharing a room so once you are kissing and cuddling just go from there, provided it's what you really want. However, if you truly feel you still aren't comfortable with having sex then, as others have advised, get some counselling to help you understand your hesitation and how you can move forward.

This!! Sorry I’ve laughed out loud.

Have you been brought up in a cult?

Overthinking this the guy sounds incredibly kind and patient to wait a year