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Original poster

Making new friends at 44

8 replies

MrsPinkAnimal · 28/09/2025 11:14

How does someone make new local friends in their 40s? My best friend of 14 years has moved 45 mins away from me and has such a busy life nowadays and has a local "replacement" for me so doesn't seem to have much time for me now.
My only other 2 friends are across the country and nowhere near me.
I work shift work which means regular clubs etc aren't things I can attend because I never work the same days each week.
I'm lonely, my husband doesn't like to go out anywhere at the weekends when I'm off (I work alternate weekends). I'm just so depressed with my life at the moment. 😔
I don't drive which limits me to where I can go as well.
I have Noone to go out out with, or even shopping with and I'm just sad. 😔

OP posts:
mazzer82 · 28/09/2025 15:16

I could have wrote this myself. I long for a best friend to confide in or drop in for a cuppa but find it difficult to maintain friendships. Whereabouts are you?

Pigeonsandgiraffees · 28/09/2025 15:18

Try Bumble BFF :)

WrylyAmused · 28/09/2025 15:29

If it's possible, learn to drive cos that'll give you more freedom.

Find some drop in classes or one-off workshops or events. Make conversation with people when you're there. It's a bit tough to go by yourself the first couple of times, but it only takes meeting someone you like once to be able to ask them for coffee, and maybe you'll find a new friend - doesn't have to be a regular club if that doesn't work for your life.

Look at it like this: currently you don't have local friends. So if you meet someone at a one off event, and say "hey, I'm finding it interesting talking to you, would you like to grab a coffee sometime?" - if they say no, well, you're in exactly the same position, and it's not a rejection of you as a person as they don't know you at this point. If they say yes, you might be on the way to making a new friend.
I know lots of people find it difficult, but it's been a really successful thing for me, as I move cities, to just put myself out there and ask. Not everyone says yes, but a good number do, and some have turned into good friendships that persisted after I moved cities.

Bit like people say of online dating - it's a numbers game.
And be positive and upbeat when meeting new people - everyone has stuff going on and it's not likely to be so well received if you start off chatting about being sad and what's missing in your life - time for that later when you've built connections with people and have a reciprocally supportive relationship.
Best of luck.

Original poster
MrsPinkAnimal · 28/09/2025 17:20

mazzer82 · 28/09/2025 15:16

I could have wrote this myself. I long for a best friend to confide in or drop in for a cuppa but find it difficult to maintain friendships. Whereabouts are you?

Northamptonshire

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsPinkAnimal · 28/09/2025 17:22

WrylyAmused · 28/09/2025 15:29

If it's possible, learn to drive cos that'll give you more freedom.

Find some drop in classes or one-off workshops or events. Make conversation with people when you're there. It's a bit tough to go by yourself the first couple of times, but it only takes meeting someone you like once to be able to ask them for coffee, and maybe you'll find a new friend - doesn't have to be a regular club if that doesn't work for your life.

Look at it like this: currently you don't have local friends. So if you meet someone at a one off event, and say "hey, I'm finding it interesting talking to you, would you like to grab a coffee sometime?" - if they say no, well, you're in exactly the same position, and it's not a rejection of you as a person as they don't know you at this point. If they say yes, you might be on the way to making a new friend.
I know lots of people find it difficult, but it's been a really successful thing for me, as I move cities, to just put myself out there and ask. Not everyone says yes, but a good number do, and some have turned into good friendships that persisted after I moved cities.

Bit like people say of online dating - it's a numbers game.
And be positive and upbeat when meeting new people - everyone has stuff going on and it's not likely to be so well received if you start off chatting about being sad and what's missing in your life - time for that later when you've built connections with people and have a reciprocally supportive relationship.
Best of luck.

Thankyou. I'm not sure it's financially possible to learn to drive or afford 2 cars at the moment.
But I do want to at some point.

OP posts:
RavenFinch · 28/09/2025 17:39

MrsPinkAnimal · 28/09/2025 11:14

How does someone make new local friends in their 40s? My best friend of 14 years has moved 45 mins away from me and has such a busy life nowadays and has a local "replacement" for me so doesn't seem to have much time for me now.
My only other 2 friends are across the country and nowhere near me.
I work shift work which means regular clubs etc aren't things I can attend because I never work the same days each week.
I'm lonely, my husband doesn't like to go out anywhere at the weekends when I'm off (I work alternate weekends). I'm just so depressed with my life at the moment. 😔
I don't drive which limits me to where I can go as well.
I have Noone to go out out with, or even shopping with and I'm just sad. 😔

Let me know if you have any success.

I'm 57, single, loner, adult orphan.

Over the years I have moved location tonnes of times (I blame this on ADHD behaviour - late diagnosed with ADHD at 53).

Unfortunately due to my frequent job moves and moves of location, I have ended up with no local friends.

Some of my ex colleagues (from London and other places) are Facebook acquaintances, but I don't meet up with them any more.

I've been in East Lincs (coast) for nearly 2 years now. Have been a member of a local Slimming World group for most of that time.

I've gained "acquaintances" from the Slimming World group, who I chat to if I'm in group, or if I happen to meet them out and about in town ..... but no one has become a proper friend I could go shopping with (coffee, shopping, cinema).

I'm not despondent about this. I always manage to amuse myself and keep myself occupied - but if another female chum in her 50s or 60s did turn up, I would be delighted.

Tillow4ever · 28/09/2025 18:06

I took up Pokemon Go and started just going out for walks. Then I looked on Facebook and found other local players. I started meeting them for game events. Then I started meeting more often for walks outside of events. We started socialising before and after events. I now have a group of friends, but 3 of the ladies I now consider close friends and 1 is now my best friend. It didn’t happen overnight, but it was nice to meet people with a similar interest and you don’t need to commit to every event!

Is that something you would consider trying?

StillAGoth · 28/09/2025 18:15

What do you like to do?

I started going to pubs on my own to see bands at the weekend. I have friends I made through that now.

Just because your husband doesn't want to go out at the weekend doesn't mean you can't! And, if you start doing it, he might decide to tag along.

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