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Original poster

String of dating disasters- time to embrace single life.

10 replies

vitaminsbeforebed · 28/09/2025 08:25

Hoping to receive some Mumsnet wisdom here 🙏🏼

Was married for 12 years, split 3 years ago (infidelity by ex DH). We have young children together who are now with me the majority of the time.

A year after we split I dated someone on and off for 18 months or so. Awful relationship, he lied, love bombed, cheated and would cycle in and out of my life with false promises. Thankfully that ended at the end of last year.

During the “off spells” with the guy last year and since then I have dated men. Some have been nice… but no spark, others have been too nice to the point of desperation/love bombing and have sent me running for the hills. Then I’ve had the inevitable game players, those who breadcrumb and don’t seem to want anything serious but also want to keep the lines of communication open when it suits them. Recently went on a date with a guy, tonnes of chemistry immediately, went on a few more dates and we eventually slept together and since then he’s gone quiet.

I turn 40 in a couple of weeks and feel like I need to take back control of my life, rather than wasting energy on men where there’s no future, perhaps it’s time to just embrace single life? Accept that I am lucky for so much in my life (good career, own home, beautiful children, wonderful friends and family).

It’s the evenings I struggle with most; kids are in bed and I’m sat alone thinking “id love a cuddle now, or for someone to make me a cup of tea”. But none of this anguish around dating seems worth it anymore?

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 28/09/2025 09:10

If you really want to meet someone dont't give up but you have a great life so just treat dating as a little extra to your busy schedule and see what happens. Stick to coffee dates, as though meeting a friend to begin with, and get to know the guy before rushing into anything. It sounds old fashioned but might just work!

Thatsthebottomline · 28/09/2025 12:33

I checked out of actively looking sometime ago and I cant say im that bothered. Times like Christmas are quite difficult, but i dont miss always being told that im not what people want.

I do think that every month you should, and this will sound strange, date yourself. Take yourself out to a nice restaurant, go to the theatre on your own and buy the more expensive seats. If someone comes along who going to find my rather unique quirks attractive, all the better, but I think that finding a fart in a jacuzzi is much more likely.

UpDownAllAround1 · 28/09/2025 12:41

X

ForTipsyFinch · 28/09/2025 12:55

I’m 35. Haven’t actively looked for many years and I can’t see myself ever doing so now tbh.

Reality is, the amount of single men out there who I would want a relationship with are well it’s got to be less than 1%. So whilst some things about a relationship would be nice, it isn’t worth the effort and hassle of the endless filtering of low effort losers 😅

I enjoy my own space and being single though I don’t really have a strong desire to be in a relationship to start with. I’m also not totally against it though, but if it does happen it will be someone I happen to meet in person someplace. And if it doesn’t happen, that’s fine too.

Original poster
vitaminsbeforebed · 28/09/2025 12:57

Haha! Love the fart in a jacuzzi analogy @Thatsthebottomline

and yes I think IF I have any further dates it’ll be short coffee ones going forward @Seaoftroubles

i can’t honestly say that any of the men I have met in the last few years have enriched my life in anyway… my enrichment comes from time with my children, friends, family and myself… so why am I finding myself wanting?!

OP posts:
Merseymum1980 · 28/09/2025 20:30

Go to bed when the kids go to bed, get up before the kids and work out.
No lonely nights and you'll feel mentally and physically great.
Also check out limerance

Missj25 · 28/09/2025 22:02

vitaminsbeforebed · 28/09/2025 08:25

Hoping to receive some Mumsnet wisdom here 🙏🏼

Was married for 12 years, split 3 years ago (infidelity by ex DH). We have young children together who are now with me the majority of the time.

A year after we split I dated someone on and off for 18 months or so. Awful relationship, he lied, love bombed, cheated and would cycle in and out of my life with false promises. Thankfully that ended at the end of last year.

During the “off spells” with the guy last year and since then I have dated men. Some have been nice… but no spark, others have been too nice to the point of desperation/love bombing and have sent me running for the hills. Then I’ve had the inevitable game players, those who breadcrumb and don’t seem to want anything serious but also want to keep the lines of communication open when it suits them. Recently went on a date with a guy, tonnes of chemistry immediately, went on a few more dates and we eventually slept together and since then he’s gone quiet.

I turn 40 in a couple of weeks and feel like I need to take back control of my life, rather than wasting energy on men where there’s no future, perhaps it’s time to just embrace single life? Accept that I am lucky for so much in my life (good career, own home, beautiful children, wonderful friends and family).

It’s the evenings I struggle with most; kids are in bed and I’m sat alone thinking “id love a cuddle now, or for someone to make me a cup of tea”. But none of this anguish around dating seems worth it anymore?

I’ve been dating on & off for years , just never met my person..
Last year I met a guy through work , he asked me out , I said no , simply cause if it didn’t go well i’d have to keep meeting him ..
Now he’s moved on again from my work place , we’ve gone on 2 dates, & so far so good 😊..
Know it’s early days obviously but you never know what’s around the corner & how you meet someone 🤷🏻‍♀️..
Don’t give up either OP X

Brandyb · 28/09/2025 22:05

Thatsthebottomline · 28/09/2025 12:33

I checked out of actively looking sometime ago and I cant say im that bothered. Times like Christmas are quite difficult, but i dont miss always being told that im not what people want.

I do think that every month you should, and this will sound strange, date yourself. Take yourself out to a nice restaurant, go to the theatre on your own and buy the more expensive seats. If someone comes along who going to find my rather unique quirks attractive, all the better, but I think that finding a fart in a jacuzzi is much more likely.

Edited

😫❤️😂

Hullopalloo · 28/09/2025 22:44

@vitaminsbeforebed you sound like me. What id say was beneficial to me a while ago was investing in relationships that made me happy. Men just disappointed me so I just focussed on my friends, who I could guarantee made my life better. I then just felt happier, looked after myself more, listened to audio books. Things were great!

Unfortunately an ex came back on the scene and I fell madly in love. We broke up a year later, and when Im feeling better, im going to try the above again.

Beanfry · 28/09/2025 22:50

I could have written your post almost word for word. Just going through another breakup with someone who promised the world, was ‘fully committed’ only to change into a different person after 2 years. Sadly my view of men is that they’re all shit. I’ve actually not met a good one yet, that includes friends, family and friends partners. All men seem to be a let down.

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