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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

This is shit, isn’t it?

13 replies

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 27/09/2025 16:55

Exh was abusive verbally, physically a couple of times, financially and adulterous.

He would never let me be privy to the family finances. I know he squandered a lot of cash. But he would lose his temper every time I started asking questions or asked for transparency. He would get very angry. I remember him screaming at me in the car for thirty minutes because I inquired where the money from our mortgage free house sale had gone.

Anyway, we still owe the DCs old school £15k.

Exh said he’d remortgaged one of our btls to pay that final bill but he spent the money on other things. I don’t know what on. Probably his gf of the time. We were in the process of separating at the time. I didn’t know he was cheating yet again at that point.

Obviously the school are chasing both of us. He’s refusing to even acknowledge them so I’m obliged to pay. I pay off a bit every month as that is all I can afford.

I feel like his financial recklessness has left me high and dry and will take me years to make good. We had the money. He spent it.

I am just so pissed off as there are other financial issues he’s left me with. Makes me never want to ever get involved with another man ever again.

OP posts:
SusanH8sShann0n · 27/09/2025 16:59

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PrizedPickledPopcorn · 27/09/2025 17:00

I would pay off 50% as my share as one of 2 parents. It’s probably easier for them to chase him than for you.

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 27/09/2025 17:05

Where are you in your divorce? What has your solicitor advised?

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 27/09/2025 17:13

I just feel like I can’t cope financially really after everything.

OP posts:
SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 27/09/2025 17:14

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 27/09/2025 17:05

Where are you in your divorce? What has your solicitor advised?

Nearly divorced. Solicitor advised me to pay 50% even though exh had been spending family money like mad on other things. We still don’t know what but circa £750k unaccounted for.

OP posts:
ThreePears · 27/09/2025 17:32

If I were you, I'd report him to the police for coercive control and financial abuse.

He has taken a lot of money, some of which was rightfully yours, and because he has done that and then dodged paying for the school fees, I do think it would be unfair for you to pay half.

Whose side is your solicitor on?

Theyreeatingthedogs · 27/09/2025 17:46

ThreePears · 27/09/2025 17:32

If I were you, I'd report him to the police for coercive control and financial abuse.

He has taken a lot of money, some of which was rightfully yours, and because he has done that and then dodged paying for the school fees, I do think it would be unfair for you to pay half.

Whose side is your solicitor on?

This.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 27/09/2025 18:01

My solicitor has never ever mentioned anything like this being possible. She just said without paying a forensic accountant, we will never know where all the money has gone. TBH, I will be very glad when it’s all done. He was so nasty for so long. Yet presented this amazing personality to outside of the family.

OP posts:
Marieb19 · 27/09/2025 19:51

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 27/09/2025 22:53

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

eg?

OP posts:
pienum · 27/09/2025 23:22

Could he be on drugs? whores snd gambling or paying off a love childs mother. The reason I say drugs is because my very perfect husband become very moody, awful to live with. He was on drugs and i didnt know. Didnt have a clue. I only knew the signs and put it down to an addiction to panadol, as he would have it daily. Turns out he was a proper crack addict, on a high flying job and seeing whores daily. Im still not surpised he doesnt have a love child somewhere, but if he did, he would definitely be paying that mother off

ThreePears · 28/09/2025 00:12

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Wrong thread?

ThreePears · 28/09/2025 00:15

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 27/09/2025 18:01

My solicitor has never ever mentioned anything like this being possible. She just said without paying a forensic accountant, we will never know where all the money has gone. TBH, I will be very glad when it’s all done. He was so nasty for so long. Yet presented this amazing personality to outside of the family.

What he did to you was a crime, so you wouldn't need a forensic accountant to find it - just a court to find him guilty of coercive control, financial abuse and theft, and find in your favour. I also suspect the Inland Revenue might be interested in the whereabouts of that much money, especially since some of it is not his.

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