It’s always me making the moves

[Lifepuzzle]

A friendship I have with a man, that has the possibility of developing into a romance. But, it’s always me reaching out. Instigating contact, checking in. Making the physical moves too - I’ve been the one to kiss him first, he just accepts it - I think he enjoys the attention. But he never reaches out to me. If I text him, he always responds super quick. He likes to see me. He gives me his full attention and literally doesn’t break eye contact for hours!

The physical signals are there but I know that unless I text him he won’t contact me - it’ll span on into weeks with no contact.

What do I do? Do I just stop texting now and wait? He clearly knows I’m interested. I’ve been very obvious just in case he wasn’t feeling confident. But there’s a lot of effort on my part and nothing on his! Surely if you are keen on someone you instigate contact? He has to come to me at some point otherwise I’m just going to fade it out TBH. What’s tricky is that he clearly does enjoy seeing me - nothing beyond me kissing him so far though!

What do I do?

Seems to me that hes not that bothered about you. You appear to be there solely till something better comes along, and something will eventually.

Time to find someone else i think

Just be honest and tell him this. Ask him why he never instigates conversation, is he genuinely interested?

Move on, he’s not really interested it’s just a fun ego boost for him.

He’s not that interested in you. If he was, you’d know. You’re making all the effort and he’s getting companionship on a plate and an ego boost on his terms, when he wants it.
Find someone willing to put in some effort, this is going nowhere.

Agree with PP he’s not interested. And even if he is, he’s a low effort man who will waste your time.

Don't chase someone who doesn’t give the same energy

He's either gay or got another woman. This is pretty unusual behaviour. I wouldn't waste too much effort on him as it doesnt sound you are getting much back from him.

How old is he? How old are you?

Sometimes, men who are single when they are older just cba to make the move. That's partly why they're single

Either way, you should stop making approaches, and see what happens.

Surely if you are keen on someone you instigate contact?

Well I think you've answered your own question there OP.

@LaurelBush

Yes I know 😞

Life’s too short.
This is too much hard work.
He’s not that into you.
Throw him back.

I'll ask again OP - how old is he? How old are you?

He is 57 - I am 40

He’s nearly 58 actually

He is hard work OP and sounds very low effort. It's also quite manipulative in a way, letting you do all the running. This will erode your self esteem over time, if it hasn't already. Leave it, dont contact him and wait it out. If he doesn't get in contact you have your answer.

Stop chasing a low effort man almost old enough to be your father.

If he wanted to he would - he’s probably just flattered you’re boosting his ego but ultimately not interested in anything further.

I’m 55. All my friends take care of themselves and look, act and feel much the same way they did in their 40s. What none of us aspire to is a man in his 70s. Look around you, see if you can identify a decent number of men in their 70s who you think you’d like to spending quality time (or even your life with). You can’t. It can be different if you’ve spent a lifetime together, but honestly don’t pursue this. Men don’t start making more effort as they age. Unless you want to spend your fifties and sixties sitting on the sofa watching crap tv and never going anywhere, cooking ‘soft’ food (because they all let their teeth and gums rot) and ferrying him to appointments like an unpaid carer, then jack this in. Do you want to spend your 60s cutting the toenails of someone who currently thinks it’s too much bother to text you?
And, of course, he might suddenly turn into a dynamic, motivated man who makes an effort for you and takes care of himself but, what are the chances, realistically?
He accepts sex when he’s presented with it. That’s not surprising and it’s not a compliment, I’m afraid. He isn’t even doing the bare minimum. Don’t you think you’re worth more than nothing? Because nothing is what he is currently giving you.

Oh come on, OP. Stop pining after this lazy, entitled man, and find yourself one who appreciates you!

If you're always making the effort, I'd leave it alone. It should feel like tennis, not throwing a ball at a wall.

I had one like this. Does he have lots of female “friends”? He likes the attention.

I would say point it out to him, tell him what you want, then pull back and see what he does.. but if he does make an effort after that, then he needs to do it consistently, not just making an effort once and then getting passive again. If he likes you enough, then he will change, if he doesn’t, then you have your answer.

Apart from his apathy there's too big an age gap. You could do so much better.