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Original poster

Boyfriend constantly talks about his ex.

39 replies

CaribbeanChaos · 25/09/2025 19:06

I’m unsure if I’m being unreasonable but my boyfriend is constantly talking about his ex. They were together for a long time and have children together.

I can’t decide if they simply have a good co-parenting relationship (there are lots of emails/texts/conversations about the children) and he’s just filling me in.

The majority of his anecdotes are “we” and I do understand that they were together for a long time. However, do I need to know where “we” used to do our weekly shop or where “we” went on holiday?

Additionally, she seems to rely on him for everything. Recently, the doorbell stopped working so she phoned him to ask for help. She simply had to charge the battery. A further example was that she was going to the cinema and wanted to know where to park.

I don’t think I’m jealous of her but I really
do not wish to hear her name every single day.

Please do tell me if you feel I’m being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
CaribbeanChaos · 27/09/2025 10:42

Thank you for your responses. I’ve read them all a few times and taken time to reflect.

Our relationship is wonderful. He’s definitely over her and wouldn’t consider going back to her. When I say he talks negatively about her it’s not in a nasty, unkind manner, it’s observational or factual. For example, I spend a lot of time gardening as I love to sit outside. He passed comment that “Ex has a nice garden but she pays someone to do it all for her and then posts on social media pictures of her garden to receive the praise and likes without crediting the hardworking gardener”

I believe that she has always had people to do things for her and is used to having him as one of her reliable sources of support. Since the start of our relationship at the beginning of this year, he has made himself less available to her and tries to only assist when it’s beneficial to the children. She hasn’t adjusted to this well and still calls/texts/emails for help over the most tedious (in my opinion) of things. I do believe it could be her way of trying to let me know that she can still exert power /control over him.

I will be mindful of his major life experiences mainly being with her and try to ignore the ‘we’ aspect. I do know that he speaks of ‘we’ referring to himself and I when talking to colleagues when we have done things.

I feel I may just be being over sensitive as he is a genuinely wonderful man and we do have a wonderful relationship. However, the overuse of ‘we’ is still infuriating!

OP posts:
BettyTurpinPies · 27/09/2025 11:27

Our relationship is wonderful. you've only been together a few months, it will be. If you have started a thread about him, it's probably not wonderfull/

BettyTurpinPies · 27/09/2025 11:34

wonderful. not wonderfull/

Original poster
CaribbeanChaos · 27/09/2025 12:08

BettyTurpinPies · 27/09/2025 11:27

Our relationship is wonderful. you've only been together a few months, it will be. If you have started a thread about him, it's probably not wonderfull/

I’m questioning whether you have read the original post? We’ve been together for 10 months and I was asking for others opinions on whether I was being unreasonable in my feeling of irritation that he frequently talks about his ex and the over use of ‘we’ within his anecdotes. At no point did I insinuate that our relationship is awful, in turmoil or any such like. Thank you for your comment though.

OP posts:
EarthSight · 27/09/2025 12:37

CaribbeanChaos · 25/09/2025 19:06

I’m unsure if I’m being unreasonable but my boyfriend is constantly talking about his ex. They were together for a long time and have children together.

I can’t decide if they simply have a good co-parenting relationship (there are lots of emails/texts/conversations about the children) and he’s just filling me in.

The majority of his anecdotes are “we” and I do understand that they were together for a long time. However, do I need to know where “we” used to do our weekly shop or where “we” went on holiday?

Additionally, she seems to rely on him for everything. Recently, the doorbell stopped working so she phoned him to ask for help. She simply had to charge the battery. A further example was that she was going to the cinema and wanted to know where to park.

I don’t think I’m jealous of her but I really
do not wish to hear her name every single day.

Please do tell me if you feel I’m being unreasonable.

Do you have kids?

This is one of the downsides of being with men with children - they have a essential reason for still being in regular contact with their ex, and if you protest at the level of contact, you're likely to be seen as the unreasonable bad guy.

BettyTurpinPies · 27/09/2025 13:23

@CaribbeanChaos , I had read the original post. 10 months is a relatively short time and you're probably still in the 'loved up' phase.
He frequently talks about his ex and the over use of ‘we’ within his anecdotes. isn't a good sign.

If his overuse of 'we' is causing you enough concern to start a thread about it, the relationship isn't that wonderful. I don't think that finding it irritating is you being unreasonable, but he is a father and the children have a mother, and she'll be part of his life while they are co-parenting.

Are you hoping to settle down and have children of your own? Do you think he'll be comparing milestones then? Will he be running to fix the XW's leaky tap?

Original poster
CaribbeanChaos · 27/09/2025 16:48

I have my own children. I don’t have a problem with his ex or the fact they have children. I don’t have a problem with them communicating about the children. I do have an issue with her constantly contacting him for non child related petty issues and his over use of the word ‘we’ when talking about past experiences.

OP posts:
BettyTurpinPies · 27/09/2025 17:01

OK. I'd tell him nicely. I don't blame you for minding, I'd mind.
Contact like 'Did Molly leave her trainers at yours?' would be normal, 'Come and fix my doorbell' not normal.

Cardinalita90 · 27/09/2025 17:01

I had this many years ago with someone and after a couple of months I ended up saying to him "why do you think I'm interested in what your ex did/has?" and it stopped him in his tracks. I'd become so unbelievably fed up that's her name and the anecdotes by that point.

He can stop if he wants to, he just needs to filter his thoughts more. Let him see your annoyance. As for the constant errands for his ex, as long as they don't interfere with your time together that's on him to set and hold boundaries. It really does sound though like they're too enmeshed and I'd be tempted to walk away if he doesn't respond to you addressing it again.

BettyTurpinPies · 27/09/2025 17:03

Well said @Cardinalita90 .

Original poster
CaribbeanChaos · 27/09/2025 17:21

BettyTurpinPies · 27/09/2025 17:01

OK. I'd tell him nicely. I don't blame you for minding, I'd mind.
Contact like 'Did Molly leave her trainers at yours?' would be normal, 'Come and fix my doorbell' not normal.

My thoughts exactly but I wasn’t sure if I was being over sensitive.

OP posts:
Hundslappadrifa · 27/09/2025 17:25

CaribbeanChaos · 27/09/2025 16:48

I have my own children. I don’t have a problem with his ex or the fact they have children. I don’t have a problem with them communicating about the children. I do have an issue with her constantly contacting him for non child related petty issues and his over use of the word ‘we’ when talking about past experiences.

After 10 months you have an issue with his ex. She’s always going to be in his life. Either get over it, or admit you can’t take it.

It’s not your place to control her relationship with him.

FrauPaige · 27/09/2025 17:48

Allow me to re-write the title of your post:
"My ex-boyfriend constantly talked about his ex"

Yep, that'll do it

Sodthesystem · 27/09/2025 18:18

CaribbeanChaos · 27/09/2025 16:48

I have my own children. I don’t have a problem with his ex or the fact they have children. I don’t have a problem with them communicating about the children. I do have an issue with her constantly contacting him for non child related petty issues and his over use of the word ‘we’ when talking about past experiences.

To he fair though, you're only 10 months in. Why would you keep seeing him? Him being good in other ways doesn't change the glaring red flag of him being emeshed with his ex. The first year is just trial run territory. He's failed the trial run.

If issues come up a few years in but you're smitten by then, understandable that you make excuses. But at not even a year? Nah, bin him off. Best case scenario he doesn't respect boundaries and nor does the ex. Worst case scenario, he's still into her. Throw this one back. He's a non starter.

And if this feels too hard to do then you've became too attached too quickly. It sucks but you gotta put your big girl pants on and rectify the situation. And maybe take things slower with the next partner.

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