Update from last week

[Strugglingmore]

Hi, I asked for my post to be removed last week as H seen the email come through and I had put too much detail into it.
I spoke about the end of my long term marriage that involved some physical abuse and verbal abuse and a one night stand 3 years ago. I tried to just block it all out and as a result I feel I’ve shut down and I’m stuck in freeze mode.
My H has now left me. He says it’s because I can’t be fully myself as I hold back and he knows I never would leave. Which is true. We’ve spoken to the DC and I’ve been for legal advice.
im on sertraline - first week -and diazepam and it’s doing nothing. I’m an absolute wreck. I can’t parent, I can’t look for jobs - essential now. I’m letting everyone down and I feel l can’t go on like this. I even feel I’ve let my H down as I only see his good side.
please can people keep sharing stories about coming out the other side. I can’t believe how I’m ever going to get over this.

I think you are going through quite an extreme transitional stage phase right now. I get from your posts that everything was overwhelming.
Is there any family that can help support you? Maybe they can take care of the dc while you try and take care of yourself?

Hope it gets easier for you soon x

I’m just coming in to check if you are feeling any better.
Try to just concentrate on the absolute basics of daily life and the routine should steady your mind.
You can do this Op, you probably always did run the majority of the household tasks so you can do it now, on auto-pilot if necessary.
You will gradually feel calmer by showing yourself how capable you really are.
I’m thinking of you x

I just thought about your opening post @Strugglingmore .., it makes sense you want to hear stories of how women got through incredibly difficult times - it will give you strength and hope.

I have been out of the other end of an abusive relationship. It was mainly emotional but it left me feeling confused and very disoriented. It was like I needed to second guess how my ex would react as I didn’t want to make him angry. I also wanted to protect my dc from seeing his anger too. I did feel incredibly low and powerless at the time. And very trapped.

Thank you, trying to get through each day but so unbelievably sad. Each day is a struggle but trying to be grateful for what I have. I can’t imagine coming out the other side at the moment but I have hope I will and one day will feel like myself again. I just struggle to come to terms with what’s happened and losing who I thought was my best friend but couldn’t have been. Sometimes I think the only thing that could help me is for him to gather me in his arms and tell me it’s all ok like he used to but the reality is that will never happen and realistically I don’t want that to happen.
I called women’s aid but I didn’t find them helpful if I’m honest as I don’t need any practical help.
Thank you for sharing how you felt. It really helps to know I’m not alone.

In most situations where there has been trauma bonding, the victim will see the husband as the problem and the cure, just like you described.

You say you don’t been practical help..are you managing ok with your dc? Is he helping at all?

What kind of support do you need out if this thread?

Yeah I’m fine as my youngest son is 14 so I’m not really needing any practical help. I keep it together for them most of the time but inside I’m distraught.
Thanks for asking, I’m not sure it just helps to feel less alone with it all. I’ve friends in RL that have helped to chat to but it really helped me hearing people’s stories coming out the other side.
Thats exactly it. He’s been my source of pain and comfort my whole adult life.

When you say you wish he'd hold you in his arms, it's definitely the trauma bond speaking.

You cannot heal from the source that hurt you. Remember that.

I'd recommend trauma counselling if you can. Also look up attachment styles. You may recognise yourself in some of the reading.

Thank you, I’ve done that for the past two decades and although I’ve not healed I’ve felt loved and warm and wanted. I think I now feel abandoned and scared. It’s definitely a trauma bond and I just don’t know how to heal that.
I’ve being going to a therapist so hopefully they can help.