Hanging by a thread

[SchoolMum22]

Honestly I have a real dilemma.
My partner and I of 25 years are stuck in a rut and argue a lot as he sees me as his emotional punch bag for a high pressure job and so half the time I think I would be more at peace if we were separated.
Then the other half of the time I love him and like a good hug honestly not sure if it’s just habitual as used to each other?
im also menopausal so am going through an irritated phase and even friends and relatives really annoy me.
in real terms my kids are really good, one left home and my job is good.
if im honest I feel like running away and living near a warm beach for the rest of my days.
ive also gone NC with relatives who’ve annoyed me one too many times, so think it may be me?
how do I know what it is?
We have different views of retirement too. I want to move somewhere warm and he doesn’t, he loves eating out and I’d rather save the high costs for something I can see. Am not even sure we have anything in common any more?
where should I even start?
I don’t want anyone else.

May be a trial separation or even a holiday on your own and clear your head a bit. It’s not selfish to look after yourself.

What menopause has done for me is to really open my eyes and make me realise just how many people are manipulative users, arseholes, downright irritating or just plain old boring.

I am finding that I am no longer prepared to put up with their shit. That's what's happening to you now. He's probably been like this all along, but you haven't noticed until recently.

Do you really want to spend the next 25 years being his emotional punchbag to add to the years you’ve already spent? Sounds absolutely grim to me. Your children have grown up and you have a good job so I presume you’re financially independent. If so, now is the time to prioritise yourself. Your plans for retirement sound very different, so do you want to spend the rest of your life compromising? Ponder on that and I think you’ll find your answer.

Absolutely love this reply!

Whatever the reasons are, whether it's menopauze, going to therapy, experiencing a life-altering event, sometimes you just find your inner worth and decide not to put up with people's shit anymore.
Just because you were 'nicer' before - meaning it was easier to abuse you - doesn't mean you're being unreasonable now.

Thanks for all your replies - it’s giving me food for thought. I’m sorting my HRT doses and it’s a journey. But what if the doses they are giving out actually keeps women docile and not kicking off about all the injustices we are dealt? I now have 5D vision when it used to be 2D so massively disturbing…

This happened to me and I actually left my husband after 30 years together at the age of 50. I just decided I'd really had enough and I was unhappy and I didn't want to spend potentially the next 30 years being unhappy.

This was 18 months ago now and I have not regretted it for a second I bought him out of the house and live here so peacefully I am so happy and the kids seem fine with it they understand my reasons because he was such a misery.

Life is so short and you've got to be happy and have the same views and aims as the person you live with or you could just live on your own and be peaceful.

I have met someone through OLD although I didn't expect to and we spend weekends together and go to the cinema theatre gigs and so on. I'm not sure though that I ever want to live with somebody again I'm really happy with my own house and have the Best of Both Worlds I feel.