Relationship property advice

[mamoo4833]

I’m a widow with two teenage children. A few years ago, I met a wonderful man, and we’re now planning a future together. He is a financially secure divorced father with 50% custody of his two teenagers.

I currently own my own home in a nice area. We’re considering adding a large extension, which he would fund, and then placing both our names on the deeds of the house.

My question is: from a legal and financial perspective, would it be wiser for me to remain unmarried or would I be better protected if we got married before making this change?

Is this proposed extension mainly for he and his two teenage children to move in with you?.

How does he feel about marriage to you?. How do his children as well as your own feel about this?. Do they get on generally well with each other?.

I would seek legal advice on this matter asap. As you no doubt know it’s far more complex that a simple yes or no answer .

Will the funding he provides for this extension be worth as much as your house as it is now?

I would not if I was you, I would rather secure a loan for the extension. You should marry for other reasons and not for this.

So in the event of a break up, he gets half your house for the price of an extension? Are you mad?

You need legal advice. You need to protect yourself and your children and ring fence your individual contributions.

Why would you gift half of your children’s inheritance to this man, his DC and potentially his next partner? Better to move somewhere new and buy 50% each or stay where you are.

Utterly mad to do this, you could end up homeless

I'm not sure the marriage issue is the main concern here - why would he essentially get half a house for the price of an extension? You'd be better off both selling up and buying a place together on an equal footing.

You could have an agreement drawn up by a lawyer ring fencing the value each owns in the property . Ie House worth 300k extension costs him £100k .. he has 1/4 ownership of property .
The only downside is if you won’t have the ability to buy him out if you split .. ?

Marry by all means if you love him. Not for any other reason . Unless of course you have gazillions more than him in savings .. but a lawyers advice is well worth the expense in these situations.

You go see a lawyer for advice.

If something happened to you your kids could end up homeless unless you get legal advice and protect them and you.

Do you want him to get the house? Do you want to leave it to your kids? Do you want him to have a share of the house and your kids have to buy him out if the want to stay there if something happens? How will they get the funds to do that? What if you split?

Go to a lawyer.

Figure out your end goal.

I'm going to say, trying to blend a household with 4 teenagers is going to be really, really tough. I would wait to move in together until they're out of the house.

Op ring fence your home, water tight, extension should be separate to keep you financial safe

Does he own or rent his own place?

Have you fully thought through the impact of four teenagers together, who may or may not get on with each other. There may be a cuckoo or two in the nest issue here and you need to look out for your own two above anyone else I think. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

If he is as financially secure as you say, he could rent a bigger place for himself and his two, or buy if he hasn't already. Then when the kids have flown you two can live in your house without the need for extensions, and he pays you half its market value when you live together. The house would then be jointly held as tenants in common and you can leave your share to your kids, and same for him. No need for marriage in that case, unless you want to.

Those are just my immediate thoughts, but I implore you to get independent legal and financial advice before doing anything, but have some scenarios in mind with a view to protecting your assets and your kids inheritance.

Why would you risk the security of two dependent children?
How do they feel about two children being foisted upon the 50% of their week?

Far better you rent out your home and rent a new property with him.
Adding an extension and gifting him half of your childrens home is unbelievably unwise.

If HE is secure, let him find a house and you keep your house.

Your children should be your priority, their security.
Not giving away their inheritance.
It is a constant theme on MN.
Women rushing to house men in their childrens home.

What is the rush?
A good man wouldn't want to be putting your childrens inheritance at risk.
A financially secure man wouldn't need to be building extensions on to your house to get on the deeds.

Please wake up and protect yourself and your children from such libido madness.

Because, irrespective of whether they get married or not, if he finances an extension, she’s going to add his name to the deeds of the property as an equal owner. If they break up, then as an equal owner of the property, why wouldn’t he get half the equity if nothing has been ring fenced?

No I know that - sorry if my wording was strange. I meant why on earth SHOULD he get half the house for only paying for the extension - I agree with you! Hence why the marriage issue a total red herring if he's getting such an advantageous deal!

Thank you all for your advice. I agree, I will not be putting his name on the deeds. My children are my priority, god knows they have been through enough. He is a kind man and I’m sure if he truly loves me he will understand.

😄 I obviously misunderstood.

There you go, OP, we both agree that you’re essentially handing over half your house.

He should no way have even asked you to do this. Don’t feel bad for saying no. Also, can’t you wait till all the teenagers are at uni to set up a home together. Blending at this age is asking for trouble. Even if he is happy with you saying no, if he is going to move in you need legal advice. Don’t let him do any renovations to your house or he can make a claim on it.

Please don't blend families. Wait until the teens have left home. Your two are your priority and need stability. They only have one chance at this crucial stage of development. Enjoy your relationship, but don't move in together now.

You don't have to live with him at all, ever, if you don't want to, keep your property and money to yourself.

It's really worrying that you ever considered this.

Then you can’t go ahead with the extension. He can’t be expected to contribute to a huge extension which would add a considerable amount of value and not own a stake in the house. 50-50 isn’t suitable, but all you need to do is have the house valued before the extension, and again after. If the value has increased by 25% then on the deeds he owns 25% of your property. You need to consider if you could buy him out if the relationship did break down. Your other option is to sell and buy together, both putting in an equal amount. You can’t expect him to put this extension on (even if it’s largely for his DD’s) without owning some of the house. That would be very unfair.

What you are advising is unwise and not legally correct.
if op is even letting her partner move in there are legal implications. @mamoo4833 you sound scarily unaware of any of your repercussions of your actions, get legal advice before doing anything but also speak to your teens about if they are happy with 2 teens moving in. Do they even get on? Would you be happy doing all the additional laundry / cooking ect for his kids?

You would be wiser to stay unmarried and live independently. I wouldn't let him invest money into your house because he will be able to make a claim on it. I would protect my peace and my children's inheritance. If you desperately want him to move in you need a cohabitation agreement. It's absolutely not something I would do.