Changing types?...

[BOOOKbookks]

Personality wise - looks obviously you need an attraction with someone but its more personality im talking here

Im 27 nearly 28. Got with DH when I was 19 he was older. I was, I'll admit, into more of a dickhead type. Someone in charge. Hes never cheated he is respectful in that sense. But as I've gotten older yep I've realised im with a selfish man, who believes as hes the higher earner i should do all the housework etc and he can say mean things to me. Not really care how I feel (even down to sex ... lmao)

I look now and think if I was dating id choose someone completely different personality wise. Someone more kind who'd never say mean things to me. Who cares how I feel. Who'd share the load of housework, the mental load of parenting (i have 2 kids with DH, and you can guess I do 90% of things for them)

Just someone who's nice. Softer. A "golden retreiver" vibe

Was I just really young when I was stuck in my ways of yep I want someone who's in charge and makes me chase them a bit etc?

Am I a bit silly. I've just been analysing a lot

Not really sure if this was the right place to post. Im not saying I am wanting to leave DH etc its just as I've gotten older I feel like I've changed a bit?

And if I was ever dating again id go for a different type of man

Why do you want to stay with someone that says mean things to you and treats you like a skivvy?

Very gently, you are only 27 years old. You are still young. You have options. Many, many people marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons. You are allowed to say "I don't want to live this way". Your DH will not mellow as he gets older. Traits tend to amplify as we age, not diminish.

Please do think about whether you really want this for yourself and your children for the next 50 years.

He doesnt in front of the kids btw. Never had an instance where hes criticised me and said it in front of them but times were alone and nothing major like calling me fat or ugly but more like oh you can be so stupid etc

I am more outspoken now and I think thats where the stubborn ness comes from. When I was younger I didng speak out and let him be in charge type of thing?

Im kind of hoping he'll soften. He's lovely with the kids (obviously, theyre his kids) but with me its just like i dont know. When we first got together I look back and it was bare minimum niceness ? He had an interest in me and maybe I grasped at that. It wasn't overly nice

I am rambling a. Bit!

I completely understand what you mean, except it took me a lot longer to realise it. After my last ltr ended, I made a conscious decision that I was only going to date nice men from then on. One false start, one nice but not for me man and then I met DH, who is absolutely just the loveliest man I have ever met. He’s definitely not a boring Golden Retriever type. But he’s so kind. Quietly kind, when nobody is looking. He has other traits as well that make me love him, but if it all ended tomorrow, I’d never date someone who wasn’t kind and just genuinely nice, ever again.