Family

[RoxyAlex77]

Hi All
What would you do if you were in my place?
My father is a verbally and emotionally abusive narcissist. He is also a control freak and wears his anxieties like a crown of thorns. He has tried all my life to stop me from doing the things I want to do. Like I would have never learned to drive if it was for him having his way. Stopped me going out with friends etc.The family are more his family not mine. I planned to go for a hike in the mountains with my cousin but he managed to convince her it is dangerous and we shouldn't go. As much as I try to see that he manipulates and lies to get what he wants I cannot help but feel upset with my cousin because she has a choice and she chose to listen to him. I have in mind to cool off my relationship with her because she as well has become my father's little pupppet on a string. Whst would you do in my place? Thank you All

By lowering your contact with your cousin you are giving your father what he wants, flip the decision on what to do back to your cousin, they make the choice your father hopefully won't sabotage it.

Wait a minute your cousin not the problem here op, you dad is,
How old are , do you still live at home?
Why are you allowing him so much power, have you got siblings, were is mum in all this

Thank you, I do appreciate your opinion. My cousin tbh is the only one who cares about me from my entire family. I am 48 years old, living 3000 miles away in a different country he still manages to get to me. The only reason I keep in touch with him is because I feel I have to offer him a decent old age. God help me with that as I have this feeling that he will destroy me and all I worked for in the process. My mum was a light in my life and she protected me from him most of the time. All the good stuff in my life she pushed for. But she is gone now

Yes I agree by falling out with her I am giving him what he wants.. Putting myself in her shoes , she has to live with him and her mother who is my father's little flying monkey. She didnt chose him she chose her own peace and quiet. I can't blame her. Thank you so much I felt so upset. Feeling much better now

Go no contact with him. Why does your cousin live with ypur dad though?

Op so now with your cousin you both have to agree not to involve him in your plans, the less he knows the less he can interfere with,
Will cousin go along with this, sounds like dad is using cousin to get any all information about your plans, so nothing that can give him a reason to control these situations, by all means tell he after events and both make a point saying ' what a fantastic time you had'
Other than that just ' grey rock'
Good luck with cousin

No my cousin doesnt live with him she lives on her own. But her mother and my father are best mates. Her mother has a very big influence and control on my cousin. Such a Toxic family . All of this drama because we wanted a day out in the mountains 😔

If you live 3000 miles away from him, why are you telling him your plans. Just keep quiet about what you are doing.

Hi OP, i am in a similar boat. I can only advise therapy to develop coping strategies. How did this work out in the end?