Toxic relationship - ex partner - sex

[QuicknamechangebeforeIswitchback]

Long term poster giving worldly advice to everyone...but I'm a fraud.

I've been in a toxic relationship for over a decade. We haven't lived together for 5 years but he's still part of my life. See each other, attend family events or go away together. It never lasts so we very often go without speaking to each other for weeks on end.

But the sex is so good. He is the only person I've been with in that way for such a long time. I'm quite happy living alone - partly because of how bad our relationship has been - but I honestly am absolutely crazy for him in the bedroom. I can't imagine being with anyone else in that way because it's been so long, and also the best I've ever had.

I know he wants to settle down with a partner and get married. I will never marry him, too much has happened. But I cannot get over the lust even after all these years. And while I don't want to be with him, I feel jealous that someone else will get this side of him and I'll be alone having no sex because I need care about someone to enjoy it, and I don't feel I actually could trust another man. So my daft mine thinks - no him, no sex for the rest of my life.

I don't know if this even makes sense. But I had to write it out somewhere, and may as well be here where I might get some people telling me to get a grip of myself.

@QuicknamechangebeforeIswitchback

Understanding why would be a step forward.

Hi, I’m in the same position. Thank you @Arregaithelfor posting that article. In my case it’s exactly why it’s happening.

@QuicknamechangebeforeIswitchback I recognise my own relationship in your post. The emotional (and physical) distance, attendance at family events, the closeness followed by the distance… We get into fights, he blocks me, then there’s the make up period, followed by more of the same. Mine was the “one who got away” who came back after many years.

I don’t think you are looking for advice. In an ideal world we would cut off the tap. It supplies love and it supplies poison. I can see a direct relationship between my family situation, attachments, and this, but I just don’t know what to do with the information for now. He’s blocked me again, so I might have a lot of time to think about it.

Bored 2 threds

How are you today, @QuicknamechangebeforeIswitchback?

ignore rude comment.

I am trying to get my life back in order & into a positive state, weaning myself off the sex & attention and turning it into energy around myself. Hope you are feeling more positive this morning.

Sorry?

Thank you for this!

Thanks so much for sharing (I've no idea what that poster is talking about, this is my only thread on this!)

I could have written your post, it's scary how similar it is!

I'm okay, thank you. I just don't know how to get by this, I honestly feel like I'll never be interested in anyone else again. Not that I NEED anyone, I'm quite happy on my own, but also I would love to experience a proper loving relationship that seemingly all my friends have.

Please have a little hope and faith that you will find some joy out there in the world. You have but to start looking.

How have you been @QuicknamechangebeforeIswitchback?
Been thinking of you 💐

In response to your reply to me, @QuicknamechangebeforeIswitchback
i wonder if it helps to give him clay feet? A friend of mine said to make a list of +++ and of —- and notice how many more of the latter and how few of the former on your list. And while HE is taking up the seat of lover, it stops you even half-reaching anyone decent who could help you experience a healthy & secure love relationship.

I am telling myself all this, really! But thinking of you & hope you are ok.

I used to have this. Was absolutely nuts about this guy because we were SO sexually compatible and just addicted to each other. Despite the toxic circumstances I stayed involved for far too long. Thought I’d never find sex as good again.

But then it ended and eventually I did… it wasn’t just as good, it was even better!

I’m not in a relationship now but my mental and physical health from being away from that stress are not worth any amount of dick 😆