Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

[Blondiedoggylover16]

This is about my previous post. My partner was drunk and sent me messages during the night accusing me of flirting with a man I barely knew and bumped into the day before. I didn't even remotely flirt. Anyway, I'm not even angry now. He's been a twat on alcohol at times since I met him 5 years ago. We split for a few months and he persuaded me to get back with him. Telling me he would cut back on his alcohol etc. At this moment in time I just don't even want to see him. What behaviour should you just forgive and behaviour that you have a right to not accept or forgive even when that person was drunk? How many women would put up with this? I have one foot out the door atm. We don't live together thankfully. I need to sort my head out and make a final decision. He said he would cut back on drinking but he said that before months ago. It didn't happen. He just cut back on being a twat when drinking. Have I been conditioned or something? Thanks for any advice again.

Do you have children op?

No. I have an adult son and my dog.

Nah, forget it. He’s an idiot. People can be a bit annoying when they are drunk, any more than that and it’s too much like hard work. I can’t be arsed with people who turn into twats after a drink.

Minimum standard for a partner would be not to be on the receiving end of any random accusations.

Blame it on the drink all they want, but if they don't trust you then the relationship is dead.

He imagines all sorts when he is drinking. I told him yo seek psychiatric help!

Thank you.

Do either you or your partner have a job op?

Yes.

Op kindly, the one foot you already have out the door get the other one to join it,

Yes we won't change and will get worst as you except this behaviour, he is already complacent so year or two imagine, yes hes drunk he doesn't remember saying this and that, bet your getting all that crap, I'll be better try harder, no op he won't, you need to make a decision and stick to it,

In that case I think you have your answer. He is unpredictable and unkind whilst drunk. He said he'll stop drinking but it hasn't stopped. And I'd put money on it happening again and again.

So, it's up to you.

You are not making a mountain out of a molehill. He drinks too much. That's pretty much it, really. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone unable to control their alcohol intake, especially if it turns him into an obnoxious accusatory twat sometimes.

You need to add up the pros and cons in this relationship and decide whether or not it's worth it. I would guess not.

You don’t have to forgive any behaviour that doesn’t work for you. You don’t have to stay in any relationship that doesn’t serve you, regardless of any behaviour. You have a right to not accept any behaviour regardless of someone’s drunken or sober state.

Leaving him doesn’t need to be reasonable, it just has to be what you want.

But, for what it’s worth, I’d block his sorry arse and never engage with him again. You don’t even owe an explanation.

What do you get out of this relationship with him?.

Is he being a twat with alcohol really your code for he being an alcoholic? If so you're better off without him in your life.

You already have one foot out the door so get the other one to join it. You do not owe him anything, let alone a relationship here. And he is no example of a man to your adult child either; what does he think of him?. He probably thinks that you deserve far better and have been wasting your time with him.

I would also read about codependency in relationships and see how much of this relates to your own behaviour. Also examine your relationship history; have you got a history of picking poor men and is he really the latest in a long line of disastrous relationships?. What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

You left because he drank too much. He begged you to come back, promising he'd stop drinking. He's done it again. If you keep accepting it, he will keep doing it. Why shouldn't he? He'll learn you make empty threats so he can do what he likes.

You're right. Thank you.

Drop the rope he holds out to you here. He just wants you around so you can otherwise enable him in his drinking. I am also certain your adult child cannot stand him and he is certainly no example to your adult child.

Why? What are you implying?🤔

Why would you stay with this guy? What does he have to offer? Very very little by the sounds of it.

you don’t ever have to justify ending a relationship. If it makes you unhappy, leave. I stayed too long with a man who pulled this kind of crap - accusing me of all sorts- because it seemed a silly reason to end a relationship, or I told myself I was being too sensitive.
don’t do what I did and waste your time with someone who behaves this way toward you. It’s not acceptable!
in my case, the man just got increasingly worse.

you know what to do - and I think you’ll be much happier without this person monitoring you as if you’re his property.

Life is too short, get rid and have a chance at meeting someone nice with less issues. I've seen and have myself wasted time. It's so not worth it, peaceful life is underrated.

Thank god you don't live together, so much easier to cut out of your life.