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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He hasn't changed.

7 replies

Blondiedoggylover16 · 22/09/2025 14:09

I split from my partner (we don't live together) for a few months at the beginning of the year. He drank too much, I felt he was lazy in his flat as it was untidy and drove me mad and he could be a twat when drinking. Rowing etc. eg sending me rambling messages late at night and some where very cheeky. I got sick of it. He pulled his horns back and persuaded me to give it another go saying he had taken me for granted etc. I gave in even though i had been doing ok on my own with my adult son and my dog. His drinking didn't change much but he was more civil and I just thought well as long as we don't live together let him carry on as long as I don't live with him. It's night time drinking. Not daytime. He has some nice qualities and we have had some nice trips away and in other ways we get on well.
Anyway, in the early hours of this morning I got a phone call from him asking who i was talking to on WhatsApp. I hadn't been talking to anyone. Just scrolling on my phone. I told him to get f**ked basically and to wise up. He then accused me of having some sort of thing going on with a man we had bumped into on Saturday that I was speaking to in front of him. Absolute rubbish. We texted to and fro and I told him he has blown it. He had a chance to change and hasn't changed at all and now the unhinged messages have started again. I told him I was disgusted with him and he has mental issues. He lives very close by and called at my door this morning also. I didn't answer. Wtf do I do here? He's the type of person who won't take no for an answer. He said I should have just laughed it off. I said wtf should I when I was being accused of carrying on with another man! It's not normal!

OP posts:
Personperson · 22/09/2025 14:30

Just block him and don't answer the door.

You've said it yourself, he hasn't changed so just send him on his way.

He doesn't bring anything to your life but stress it seems. No one is worth destroying the peace in your life for.

OriginalUsername2 · 22/09/2025 14:32

Kindly, he’s an alcoholic man. This is just what they do.

noidea69 · 22/09/2025 14:35

You broke up with him once, just do it again, this time dont be daft enough to take him back.

Endofyear · 22/09/2025 15:59

You broke up with him before for a reason - he hasn't changed and he won't change. Block his number and if he comes to your house to harrass you, call the police. It's not a case of 'he won't take no for an answer' it's a case of you making it very clear to him that the relationship is over and he is not to contact you again. Stop engaging with messages and calls and stand firm until he leaves you alone.

Bittenonce · 22/09/2025 17:03

Seems a bit of a no brainer tbh. You wouldn’t want to live with him because of how he lives at home, so there’s no ‘move in together happy ever after’ on the horizon. You bailed out once because he’s a twat when he’s drunk - so for a while he managed to stop being a twat, though still getting drunk. But now he’s back again - so if you let him back in, you know the same will happen again. Except now he’ll know you’ll let him back again…..

TheAvidWriter · 22/09/2025 17:48

Changing a drinking habit, and acknowledging it, is hard.
HE has to want to change things, and acknowledge the habit, but with drinking and drug taking these things do not corelate well with having healthy relationships.
He clearly has has a destructive habit and therefor not a good relationship material.

I was married to someone like this and it destroyed me and our DC.

You will never change him or his habit, regardless of all his promises of bettering. No need to give him an explanation why, just say its not for you and leave it at that. Do not engage further as that will just leave a door ajar for depressing future. For you and for him.

DatingDinosaur · 22/09/2025 18:04

What do you do? You just keep repeating that he got his second chance and blew it and the relationship is over.

He tries wheedling his way back in? Tell him he got a second chance and blew it and the relationship is definitely over.

Basically, if you're going to keep talking to him, just keep saying that. Endlessly. Like a stuck record.

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