Please h.elp me stop thinking about my ex

[FrenchPear]

Just the above really. It's a joke at this stage that I can't get him out of my head.

He was the love of my life, we split due to us being in different places in our lives but also we had done each other's heads in. I met someone quickly, married, settled and now divorced. We met up last year, I realised I still loved him, he was not so sure. I backed off but we keep in some contact, with me trying to protect myself from it all. He blows hot and cold. He's still in my head.

I drunk text him the other night, several times, he ignored me as he won't deal with that nonsense (he's right). I rang him and even called to his house, he wasn't there thankfully. I just lost my mind. I wanted to have it out with him once and for all.

I have apologised and he said to leave him alone. Dignity in the toilet over here.

Please help me forget him. I'm too old for this rubbish.

Oh dear. These things do happen but you must never contact him again. Block him everywhere, delete his number, get new accounts if needed and block him there too. You need to show that you are not trying to contact him to keep yourself safe from any further backlash. I'd also stop drinking until the feelings pass.

You may have an internal wound from something else in your life and not just him. Something to do with attachment or abandonment. He isn't worth it if he won't explain to you properly what he is thinking. Also DO NOT sleep with him. He will go away again.

It can be done and you will do it. Don't give him the satisfaction of letting you hurt yourself.

Block him on everything. The more you ignore the desire to contact him the easier will get, you need to train yourself until eventually you won't want to contact him anymore. Fake it until you make it. Think of a reward for yourself every time you do not contact him or everytime you think about contacting him, contact a friend and make a plan to do something fun with them or do something fun yourself. The more you work on yourself the easier it will be to move on.

I have done a lot of therapy on childhood issues and I would count myself as fairly emotionally stable now. When it comes to him, I'm an idiot. I regress right back. I have in the past year managed to handle myself well but I just blew up the other night. I think part of me did it to bring things to a head.

I just never got proper closure with him, he wouldn't sit and talk to me properly to close things out. So we still do this dance on text etc.

I think part of it is that I still love him or the idea of him. He was the first man I ever loved properly and who I felt loved me properly. I think I'm romanticising us getting back together.

I do/did have abandonment and attachment issues though and perhaps I need to focus on those more closely now and heal from them.

I have deleted his number and I am going to cut back on the drinking. I don't drink much but when I do, I do and it probably goes to my head.

I nearly died when I saw all the texts I sent, I never want to feel like that again.